Moments Lost
by Ryder24
Summary: Ashley doesn't want to believe that there is anyone better then her lost love...that is until someone shows her that there is something worth living for. R&R...Thank ya!
1. Chapter 1

So I thought about it and I've come to a conclusion that I should write another one. I can't help it I was born to write and that's exactly what I'm going to continue to do. Hope you guys don't mind...hahaha.

Enjoy!

Disclamer: I do not own SON...even though it would be cool to.

**Moments Lost **

It's been three months since Dani died. And let me tell you that it's been the worst three months of my life. She was my world, my everything when she was alive. She made me happy when she would come over and spend time with me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that anything as aweful as that friday night would ever happen to us.

It feels like it was just yesterday.

_"Ashley! Come on I'm leaving to go to Jasons house." Dani was getting into the car and she was plastered. I was not going to let her drive like that. Of course I wasn't all that sober either but I was still better then her. So I grabbed the keyes from her and got in the drivers seat. _

_"I knew you wouldn't leave me." Dani leaned over to my side and wrapped her arms around me while planting a big kiss on my lips. I swear I love that girl. _

_Dani and I got together last summer when I finally came out to my mom. Apparently mom could already tell because of how Dani and I acted with eachother. Shit I didn't even know up until last year when Dani told me that she loved me. It of course threw me for a loop but I knew that I had feelings for her. It just took me more time to realize everything. Dani waited for me. She said she would wait as long as it took for me. She loved me that much. _

_"Are you going to stay the night tonight?" Dani asked me as we were driving to Jasons house at 12 oclock at night. I glanced her way and she had this cheesy grin on her face and I knew exactly what she was thinking of. _

_"That sounds good to me." I smiled back with my crinkled nose that always sent her over board. She then leaped up and down clapping her hands like she was the happiest kid alive. I wasn't paying attention to the road like I should of more like I was paying attention to the women that I love on the side of me. She had me in a trance as I looked right at her. Her dark brown hair that shined from the light from the moon. Her beautiful green eyes that always made me want to melt in her arms. Her perfect body that always screamed at me when we would go swimming. Or anyting else we would be doing. Hahaha. Sorry my thoughts are getting away with me. _

_I should of been paying attention to the road. I shouldn't have been drinking like I did. Because of my stupid actions everything went into slow motionthose next following minutes of my life. _

_"ASHLEY!" Dani screamed at me and my head darted back to the road and right in front of me was a man in the middle of the street. I swirved off the road and that's when I rammed into a pole. A electric pole that didn't even budge but it sure sent Dani flying through the windshield. Well that's what everyone tells me that happened. I was unconcious for two days from slamming my head against my steering wheel. I didn't know anything that had happened to Dani. I didn't know that the accident had caused so much trauma to her head that she died that next morning in the hospital while I was laying in a bed with nothing really wrong with me but bruises and a gash to the head. _

_I killed my girlfriend because I wasn't paying attention to the road like I was suppose to. I was driving when I was intoxicated and I killed the love of my life. I wish that I had died instead of her. To know that she wouldn't be in my life anymore put me in a big depression and I blocked myself from everyone. _

_Never will I love anyone like I loved Dani. _

I've had so many people in my life try to comforte me but not once did I listen to a word that they said to me. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I only wanted to talk to Dani and no one else.

Of course that just made mom decide that she couldn't really handle me being the way that I am so she told me that she was sending me to my dads. In Los Angeles. In California. With my half sister Kyla. So she paclked up my whole life and is shipping me clear across the country to get me out of her hair. I didn't really care though. I figured that no place or no person would change the way I felt.

xxxx

My flight had came into LAX at six at night and all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and not worry about anything around me.

I walked down the terminal not really noticing anyone around me instead looking like a zombie so my mom continue to call me when we were driving to the airport.

Forgive me for not be happy after killing my girlfriend. Forgive me for not being the person I once was because now I didn't have the other half of my heart.

As soon as I walked out of the terminal Kyla stood there with dad. They looked at me as if they didn't really know what to do next. I walked over to them and as soon as my page hit the floor dad pulled me into his arms and hugged me so tight. I was not going to cry. I was not going to cry.

I cried. I cried like a baby.

After all of my emotions were released we grabbed my luggage and went home. Well I guess it's home now. I don't really know what to call it.

xxxx

"Ashley I signed you up for school. You start the day after tomorrow. Is that ok?" Dad told me as I sat in the back on the car looking out the window not really paying attention to what he was saying to me. Well more like I didn't want to hear a word that was coming out of his mouth.

"Do I have a choice?" I finally spoke out.

"I guess not." Dad responded to me.

The rest of the ride to the house was quiet and I was really glad for that. Kyla didn't really say anything to me. I guess she didn't know what to say to me. Which I'm happy about because I don't really want to talk to anyone.

The house was huge. Dad being as rich as he was didn't shock me when I saw the size of the house. He always had to go all out when he wanted something. When we pulled up there was a car filled with kids my age sitting there looking like they were waiting for someone. The were obviously Kylas friends.

We all started loading out of the car and Kyla went running up the the tall, dark hair guy giving him a big hug. Then she kissed him. I'm guessing that's her boyfriend. Hmm didn't know anything about him. I've heard about all the other ones but not this one. Then there stood another brunette mexican chick standing there like she had major attitude. Yep don't like her already. Then there was a blonde sitting on the back of the car looking my way. What was her problem?

I grabbed my things from the back of the jeep and started towards the house when Kyla called my name.

Don't stop Ashley. Just keep on walking.

"Ashley!" Damn it!

"WHAT!" I yelled back at her and I was so pissed off. Why couldn't she just leave me alone?

"I want to introduce you to my boyfriend and my friends." So I stood there and acted like I gave a damn about her friends.

"This is Aidne. That's Madison and the one sitting on the car over there is Spencer." I glanced at all of them and didn't really make any gesture towards them at all. I turned back to the house and walked away with out even a hello to anyone there.

I don't need this. I just want to be left alone.

(A/N: Ok tell me what you think...kind of just popped into my head...still alil iffy about it but tell me what you think and whether or not I should keep it going! Please R&R...thank you!)


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks you guys for all the feed back...it was good to hear that I have peeps who want me to keep going with it!! So heres another chpt.

Enjoy!!

**Moments Lost **

I hate everyone right now. Don't ask me why because I'll probably end up yelling at you also.

Dad wasn't lying when he came out and said that he signed me up for freakin school. I didn't want to go to this damn school instead I wanted to be home in Boston away from everyone and with Dani.

xxxx

"Ashley lets get going. I have to be at school early for the first day." Kyla was running on my last nerve and if she didn't watch it I was going to explode right in her face. I do not want to deal with her attitude.

"Whatever Kyla." I grabbed my things and we were both out the door without so much as a word to eachother. If she didn't say anything to me then I was going to be fine. I don't need to be entertained by her that's for sure. I'm fine on my own.

The school was packed with kids brand new Lexus, Mercedes, and Ranger Rovers all over the parking lot. I swear it was like a episode of The OC or something. Just because we lived in Los Angeles didn't mean that everyone had to be rich right. Oh this school is going to be the death of me. I can already feel it in my blood.

"Here's the schedule that the office gave dad for you and if you want you can hang out with Aiden and all of us in the quad for lunch." Kyla looked my way but I didn't even ignoledge her. Excuse me while I go and sound the alarm for the kindness that my half sister is giving me. I can die a happy women knowing that I can hang out with her and her friends.

No thank you.

"I'll live." I grabbed the schedule and got out of the Yukon and made my way towards the school.

Damn this was going to suck big time.

I glanced back at Kyla and she already had her antorage at her side. I turned back to walking forward when I bumped into someone. Everything in my hands went crashing to the ground and I nearly went back as well if that person didn't grab on to my arm.

Damn couldn't people watch where the hell they're going?

"I'm so sorry Ashley. I didn't mean to bump into you." Her voice shot through my ears. How did she know me and then I remembed the first night I came into town. Kylas friend Spencer. The one that was sitting on the car looking at me like she had some problem.

I quickly grabbed my things without even say so much as a peep to her and just as I was getting up she stood there looking at me as if she had hurt me in some way.

"Next time watch where you're going." I told her as I made my way around her and towards the halls trying to look for my first class. Shit ass school didn't even give me freakin directions so I could find my dumbass around this place.

Right as the bell rang which I am thinking is the late bell I finally found the class. Just on time for me to sit in my seat and not listen to a damn thing my teacher is talking about. I didn't want to be here and I wasn't going to pretend like I wanted to be here either. There's absolutle no point in action. That was Kylas department, not mine.

I took a seat and brought out my notebook and started to draw. Drawing has let me express myself instead of actually talking to anyone about things. I was doodling Danis name on my page when I felt someone staring at me. I glanced up next to me and she was sitting there. Kylas friend. The girl who bumped into me and set my mood to bad for the rest of the day.

"What are you drawing?" Is she really serious right now? Did it look like I wanted to talk to her?

Of course she had to be in my class. Because nothing can make the day get any better.

I went back to drawing and didn't look her way for the rest of the period. Which actually went by fast.

xxxx

At lunch time I grabbed something to eat from the vendors and then made my way towards the front of the school so I could sit underneathe a tree so I could get away from everyone. There was no need for me to sit with Kyla and her friends. I'm content with being by myself.

The rest of the day was pretty much the same and as soon as that final bell rang I walked out to the Yukon and stood there waiting for Kyla to move her ass so I could get home.

"Lets go!" Kylas loud pitch voice throw me out of the thoughts of Dani and I look up to see Aiden, Madison, and Spencer standing there in front of me.

"They're riding with us." Which of course meant one thing. I was sitting in the back with her annoying friends as Aiden sat up front with his girlfriend. They make me sick.

I kept myself towards the window and didn't bother to get into the lame ass conversation that they were having.

"You Know I'm really sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to almost knock you down." Spencer of course was in between Madison and I. I think with all the running into eachother Spencer and I keep on having I'd rather sit by Madison. At least I know that she won't bug me when I'm trying to ignore her.

"It's fine." I said at almost a whisper as I continued to look out the window.

As soon as we got home I went walking towards the house like I was alone and went up to my room. I turned on my stereo and drawned out everything. The world was not my friend. I had no friends. My bestfriend is laying six feet under and I was to blame for it.

**Two Days Later **

"Ashley I set up a appointment for you at my shrinks office." I was sitting at the kitchen table eating my breakfast like a good little girl and Dad comes off the wall with nothing but bullshit.

Did he really just say Shrink?

"Excuse me." I asked him with my head directed towards him as he was getting coffee.

"I think that you need to talk to someone. You don't talk to me. You don't talk to your sister and you never talked to your mom which is why she shipped you over here."

I stood up fast and my seat went flying back.

"NO! She shipped me over here because she didn't want me to remember anything that happened. She wanted me to forget that I killed my girlfriend. But I'll never forget because if I do that then I'll forget Dani and that will never happen!" Right then Kyla walked into the kitchen and looked at the both of us. I quickly grabbed my things and left the room.

"I'll pick you up after school!" Dad yelled at me and I just walked out the front door not paying attention to a word he was saying.

How dare he tell me that I need to talk to someone about Dani. I don't need to talk to anyone about what's going on inside of me. These are my thoughts. My memories that I don't want to give anyone. Yeah sure he can probably make me go but he can't make me talk.

Of course the day dragged on like always and I sat there into space ignoring the fact that I was probably going to have to go to "Therapy" afterwards.

Kyla and her band of goons found me at lunch time and I would of walked away from them all but I was to comfortable. No one was making me leave my tree. So instead I put my ear plugs in and listened to my music.

I looked at all of their face expressions as they talked to eachother. Spencer of course had this problem with her that she felt like she needed to talk to me all the time or something. I could careless is she said another word to me.

xxxx

Right after school Dad was right on time waiting for me. I could not believe that he was making me do this.

Who the hell makes their kid talk to some stranger just so they could feel better about themselves? This is bullshit and if the shrink or who ever says anything to me about 'how im feeling' then I will scream bloody murder.

I'll tell him/her exactly how I'm feeling.

xxxx

"I'll pick you up in a hour honey." Dad had walked me into the office just to make sure that I even stepped inside here. Damn I guess he didn't believe that I would come in here when he left. We haven't lived with eachother that long but he already had me down and knew what I would do.

I sat there in the chair waiting to be called into the room when the door opens and walks out Spencer and a dark haired man right by her.

"Ashley." What was she doing here? Did she have problems like me? Did her parent's want to ship her to someone to talk to as well? Which explains why she is always trying to talk to me.

"What are you doing here?" I looked up from my magazine and thought she had just asked a really stupid question.

"Are you seriously asking me why I'm sitting in a shrinks office right now? Come on I know your smarter then that."

"Ashley I'm ready for you." Spencer didn't say anymore and I was glad for that. I was really getting tired of her always trying to ask me questions left and right. Couldn't she just leave me alone?

I took a seat in the chair and looked over at him. He was putting away a file on his desk and then turned towards me with his hand outreached to me.

"I'm Dr. Carlin. You can call me Arthur if you would like Ashley." Arthur took a seat in front of me and it was right at that moment that I wanted Dani right there beside me. I wanted her to tell me that everything was going to be ok and that I was going to be fine. Instead I had to have some guy tell me what is wrong with me.

"How are you doing today?" That's original. Couldn't come up with anything else I guess.

"Peachy." I told him in a sarcastic voice.

"Good to hear. So your father tells me that you were in a bad car accident back home in Boston. Would you like to talk about it?" A flash of memories bombarded my brain and to hear him, who didn't have a damn clue on what happened, made me mad.

"No." I kept it at my one word comments. He doesn't need to know what's going on in my life. I can handle this. I can handle anything.

"You lost your girlfriend in the car accident didn't you?" He went to far with that one.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!! You don't know anything about Dani so don't even bring her up like you have a clue what the hell you are talking about."

"Then why don't you tell me about Dani Ashley. Why don't you describe what type of person she was." I don't know what it was but when my emotions were running ramped that made me want to spill my guts. Maybe it was easy to talk to someone who didn't know you or wanted to judge you for being someone who didn't care for you being the way that you are.

"She was my everything. She was beautiful and I would of given her anything that she asked. I loved her that much." Right then my brain shut down. My mouth stopped moving and tears started forming. I was not going to do this. I was not going to let anyone in.

I got up from my seat and made my way out of the door. To my surprise Spencer was sitting in the seat that I had just left and looked right at me as I walked out of the room.

Did she just hear everything that I just said?

I ran right pass her and tried to ignore her yelling my name. Of course it got really annoying once I got outside of the building. I didn't know where the hell I was or what direction home was.

"Ashley can I give you a ride home?" I heard her behind me and I quickly whipped my eyes dry. I hated when people saw me cry.

"I'm fine. I can walk." I started walking the other direction and she started laughing.

"You don't have a clue where you are do you?" I heard her speak up. She was right. I didn't have a clue at all.

"Why do you want to give me a ride for?" I asked her because I was really wondering why the hell she was the way she was.

"Beacuse your my bestfriends sister. Of course I'm going to be nice to you. Besides I know what it's like to be in a new city without knowing anyone. Come on my cars this way." Spencer started walking in the opposite direction and I stood there not really knowing if I should take her offer.

"You coming?" She stopped and turned around towards me.

I might as well get a ride with someone I semi know then with some trucker name bubba. Wouldn't that be funny. I'm sure I would be able to talk to Dr. Carlin about it.

xxxx

"There you go. Home nice and safe." This girl is to damn cheery for me.

"Um yeah. Thanks." I quickly got out of the car and she wouldn't let it be that simple with just a goodbye. Nope she had to keep a conversation going.

"Hey do you think you would want to hang out at the party your sister is throwing this weekend?" Excuse me. Kyla is throwing a party? That's the first I've heard about it. Oh that's right I don't talk to anyone so of course I wouldn't hear about it.

"Sorry but parties aren't my thing anymore. But thanks for the ride." Spencers face dropped. I swear you would think I killed her damn dog or something.

I ignored it and walked into my house.

Why the hell did she care so much for?

(A/N: So theres that chpt...hopefully you guys liked it! Spencer and Ashley are actually communicated but things aren't going to be that simple. That's not me and that's not the way I do things hahaha...so tell me what you thought...your input and thoughts help me!! thx again for R&R! Your all awesome!)


	3. Chapter 3

Thx so much for the responce on the last chpt!! Glad to know that people are reading...hahaha. Hopefully you continue to enjoy it.

**Moments Lost **

Today is not a good day.

I woke up screaming Danis name in the middle of the night. I was trembling and I couldn't get myself to want to go anywhere that morning. Not even for the whole day.

I ignored the pounding on my door when it was time to go to school. Kyla kept on yelling for me to move my ass but I didn't say one word. I was curled up in my bed crying my heart out. It hurt so bad to have to relive that night in my dreams. Why couldn't I just not have those memories in my head of that night? Why can't it just go away so I don't have to live with the pain that I felt when she was ripped away from me?

I didn't mean for things to happen the way that they did.

I wanted to marry her. I wanted to be forever lost in her love and never turn back. She was my everything and I would give up so much just to have her here with me.

Let me forget. Please let me forget.

I rocked myself back and forth with my knees pushed up to my body remember all of the good times I had with Dani instead of what woke me up this morning.

xxxx

Sleep finally took over my body and I laid there not even caring about what was going outside my room.

I heard talking. Losts of talking and then I had remembered that it was Friday. Kyla was suppose to have her damn party tonight. I turned to glance at my clock and it was 5:30. I stayed in my room all day and I didn't even know that it was that late.

_Knock. Knock. _

"Ashley it's Spencer."

Leave me the hell alone!

"I didn't see you at school today. I just wanted to see if you were doing ok. If you need anyone to talk to."

She's not my freakin shrink so she needs to stop acting like it.

I didn't say a word. But I did get out of bed and walked over to my closet. I continued to add more of the pictures that I had in a pile on my dress to the closet door.

A picture of Dani and I at a Baseball game. She loved the Boston Red socks. Why she did was beyond me but she loved the team nonetheless. Baseball wasn't really my thing but I loved Dani so I made it my thing.

A picture of Tara, Josh, Dani, and I at school during lunch time.

Then there was a picture of Dani and I having a drinking competition. That was the night Dani died.

The tears came and I balled up the picture and threw it at the opposite side of the room. I just let everything out. I threw all the pictures to the ground. I kicked the closet doors and I shuved my fists against the wall. I didn't want to stop. I wanted to hurt myself. It's my fault. It's all my fault.

My body went down to the ground with so much anger running through my body that I just wanted to let it all out.

xxxx

An hour went by and I had calmed myself down. I got off the ground and got dressed. I really didn't care how I looked so I threw on whatever was there. I opened up my door and there was already tons of kids roaming the damn house.

There better be alcohol here thats all I'm saying.

I was walking down the stairs and the stereo system was blairing through the speakers and everyone was talking with eachother. I ignored them all and went straight for the kitchen where I find Kyla and Aiden making out on the counter top. Remind me to not eat there again. Kyla stopped to look at me but I didn't say a word to her. Instead I went straight for the vodka bottle and downed it like it was water. I needed to forget and if liquor could help me in that department then yay for me.

"Ashley slow down." Spencer came out of nowhere and was right next to me. I swear I will hit her if she doesn't leave me alone. I ignored her comment and kept on drinking like I was dying of thirst.

"Ashley!" That would be Kyla. I guess she had time in between her make-out sessions with Aiden.

"What the hell do you want Kyla?" Kyla was standing next to Spencer and I really wish that I could get rid of the both of them.

"What happened with you today? Why didn't you go to school for?"

"None of your business. Now just leave me alone." I pushed right through the both of them. Kyla grabbed onto my arm and I looked directly at her.

"Stop doing this Ashley. Stop hurting yourself." Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. That's what I wanted to do. That's all I wanted to do is to hurt myself. To feel the pain that I caused Dani. I pulled my arm back and walked out of the kitchen. I'll give you five dollars if you can guess who followed me right outside in the front yard.

If you said Spencer then that would be correct.

I continued to drink the bottle and not worry about anything. I love when liquor first burns your throat and then after so much you don't feel it anymore. Oh yeah I love that feeling.

"I'm worried about you Ashley." We were both standing on the grass at this point and I turned around to face her when she came out with her crap.

"YOU DON"T KNOW ME!" I yelled at her. I was getting tired of her always on my heals. Always trying to act like she could help me in some way. No one could help me.

No one!

"Stop acting like you have a clue what my life is like Spencer. I never asked you to help me and I sure as hell don't need it. SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

I made her cry.

Damn didn't I feel like a bitch. Oh well. I told her I didn't need her help. It's not my fault she didn't listen to me.

Spencer didn't say one more word to me instead she walked into the house and left me outside alone. Just like I wanted to be. I continued to drink the bottle and not worring about anything that was going on inside the house.

People came and people left during the whole night. I of course was shit ass drunk sitting on the lawn bench that dad decided looked good next to the trees in front.

I stood up from the chair and I swear I felt the whole world spinning at a fast rate as my head wouldn't stop spinning either. I wobbled my ass to the front door and there was actually a few people in the house now. I'm guessing these are the shit ass drunk people laying on the couch or even at the bottom of the stairs. Kyla was going to have alot to do tomorrow. I held onto the panel of the wall as I made my way to the kitchen looking for something else to drink. If I can still stand then I wasn't drunk enough. That's what I always say.

Aiden, Kyla, Madison, and Spencer were all sitting at the table talking when I walked in. I ignored them and went for the bottles.

"Ashley you don't need anymore." I hear Kyla speak up like I gave a damn or something.

"I'll ask you when I need your opinion Kyla." I went to grab a bottle. Empty.

Damn it!

Another bottle. Empty.

Freaking ass alcoholics around this place. Can't even leave me anything to drink.

Last bottle.

Shit!

"What the hell! Everybody drank everything." I yelled out as I turned around to fast and my ass went to the ground and my head hit the back on the cabinets. Damn that hurt.

Of course being me I started laughing like I was the stupidest person alive. Or the drunkest that is.

I had everyone by my side seeing if I was ok.

"Damn Ashley. You need to stop this." Those were the last words I heard from her before I closed my eyes and was out.

Her being Spencer.

xxxx

Son of a Bitch my head is hurting.

When I woke up that morning I found myself in my bed.

When the hell did I get in here? I don't remember coming up here last night. Then again I don't remember alot of stuff.

I lifted myself up from the bed slowly and rested my face in my palms. I had to much to drink last night. I looked around the room and there I see them sleeping. Kyla and Spencer on the floor.

Why the hell were they in here for?

I got out of bed and then made my way towards the bathroom when Spencer started waking up. We both looked at eachother and didn't say a word. I remembered saying what I did to Spencer last night. She apparently remembered better then me with her being so quiet towards me. I guess I should be happy that she's not saying anything to me right.

Wrong.

For some odd reason even though she annoys the hell out of me I've gotten use to hearing her ramble on about shit she has no idea what she's talking about. Yeah I know I'm weird like that.

I went to the bathroom and stood there in front of the mirrior looking at myself. Damn I looked aweful. I jumped into the shower and did that hot water feel so good on my body. I stood there leaning against the wall thinking about everything that has happened. I shouldn't have drank last night. Dani would of said that I could drink all that I wanted but doing just that gets people hurt.

Yeah nothing really happened last night but it could have if I kept on drinking the way that I was. I wrapped my arms around my body and cried my eyes out. Just thinking of her made me wish that I was not alive. Made me wish that I was the one to die that night.

I miss her so much. Her touch. Her kiss. Her love.

I stayed in the shower for awhile longer and when I came out of the shower I walked into my room hoping that they were gone already. Kyla was gone but Spencer was sitting on my bed.

She saw me walk in and stood to her feet real quickly.

"Oh sorry. I'll leave now." Spencer looked at me with a flushed face. As if she was blushing because she saw me in a towel. Hmm that's interesting. I could of swore Kyla told me that Spencer was straight. Whatever. Spencer walked out of the room and I started to get dress.

xxxx

It's saturday and I'm sitting here in my room drawing and I'm actually getting bored. What the hell am I going to do with myself?

I put my shoes on and walked downstairs. I was just about to walk out the front door when I hear Kyla in the living room.

"Ashley." I stopped and turned around. She walked over to me and I stood there holding onto the door.

"I thought maybe you would want to hang out with Madison, Spencer and I. We are just heading to the mall. Nothing big, but I thought maybe you would like to get out of the house." I stood there thinking about her offer. I did want to get out and see what was out in LA. It's not like I have to talk to them so I'm good to tag along.

"I guess." Those were my words. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Kyla and I got into the Yukon and drove over to Madisons house first. After we picked her up we then went to go get Spencer. Spencer was walking out her front door when she spotted me in the front seat. I guess she was shocked to see me coming. I have that affect on people it seems.

We walked all over this damn place. They talked forever about what has been going on at school. I'm so glad I don't have a freakin clue what the hell they are talking about. Spencer fell into step with me as I continued to window shop. I swear this was not my thing at all.

Kyla and Madison went into a store and I sat down on one of the benches. Spencer decided to sit with me.

"You know I'm sorry if I've been getting into your business. I just thought that I was helping you." I looked at her and she was already looking at me. I shrugged my shoulders and then went back to looking at everyone walking by us. Spencer is a good person. I just don't need her help.

There was so much going on around me that I could feel myself at a stand still. Everything seemed like it was in slow motion

Maybe I did need to talk to someone.

Maybe.

(A/N: I've been thinking of what is to come and I hope you guys are still enjoying it. I'm leading it up to some good stuff to come so please stay with me on all of this ok...im trying my best on writing. Thx again for the reviews...loved them all!! U guys are awesome!!)


	4. Chapter 4

Aww man I'm so tired today you guys but I am going to write anyways hahaha!!

Enjoy!!

**Moments Lost **

"I'm so glad that you could make it in today Ashley."

It's been a week since I had my breakdown. I kept on putting off going to see Mr. Carlin because dad has been away on a business trip and I didn't really know if I really wanted to talk to him or not. Everything is still so sore with me that I don't even know if I should let anyone in.

Spencers been over the house after school most of the week but I don't really say anything to her. She will literally just sit there and watch movies with me. She won't say anything and I'm so greatful for that.

Then of course one afternoon I was coming downstairs from my room and I was about to head into the kitchen to get something to eat when I heard Spencer and Kyla talking about me.

_"What's going on with her Kyla?She doesn't talk to anyone and when someone says something to her she gets all defensive." _

_"I don't know. Ever since her girlfriend died she doesn't let anyone in. She blames herself for everything." I hated that they were talking about me. It was really starting to piss me off. _

_"Why would she blame herself for?" It was quiet for a second and then Kyla spoke. _

_"She was the one driving the car that night she died. Ashley was drunk and so was Dani. Dani didn't have her seat belt on and Ashley wasn't paying attention to the road or something like that and then she swirved off the road to miss someone in the middle of the street and smashed into a electric pole. Dani died at the hospital and Ashley lived." _

_Tears were streaming down my face at that moment. I rested against the wall and I didn't know whether or not to walk into the kitchen until I heard Spencers next comment. _

_"Why the hell was she driving when she was drunk? You would think she would be more responsible with her girlfriend in the car." _

_Once again she was saying shit that she didn't even know about and just hearing it from someone did not make her know everything about the situation. _

_"Spencer you don't know shit. I would give anything for her to be alive right now instead of me. I would turn back time and not let either of us get into the car if I could but I can't. So you know what you can just forget even speaking to me because as of now I don't know you and that's exactly how I want it to remain." I walked back out of the kitchen and I heard them both calling out my name. _

_"Ashley. Spencer didn't mean anything about Dani. She was just worried about you." _

_"There's no point of her worring because we aren't friends. Not now, not ever." I looked directly in Spencers eyes and I knew exactly how she felt. I just didn't care anymore. _

And this is where I come in. I'm now sitting in front of Mr. Carlins office willing to at least give this talking bit a try. Maybe if I try to talk about things then I would be able to get past it all. I still didn't understand much but I was at least willing to try. That's the least I can do.

"So how has your week been going since the last time you were in my office?" Yeah the day I found out that Spencer was seeing the same shrink. Hmm I wonder if Kyla knows about that?

"It's been really long. I didn't think that the weekend would get here any sooner."

"Have you given any thought about talking about Dani yet?" I looked down at my hands and kept on playing with the ring I had on my hand. It was the ring that Dani never took off. She loved that ring and would never let me wear it. But Danis mom gave it to me when I was in the hospital after the accident and told me to wear it always. I knew it meant alot for her to give me her daughters ring. She loved me just as much as that ring meant to her. So I wear it now remember when she would play with it on her hand when we were arguing or having a rough discussion about something important.

"She's been in my dreams every night since I got to LA. I'm starting to think that she doesn't like the whole idea that I moved so far away from her. Well from her grave that is." It was quiet between us for a short second and then Dr. Carlin went on.

"Do you think that you shouldn't have moved?"

"I never wanted to leave her. I wouldn't have left either if it wasn't for my mother. I would of never left her side. I still feel her with me when I'm sitting in my room. Or when I'm drawing. She's still with me." I was silent for a second and then I went on.

"Do you think that's weird?" I looked up at him and he was looking right at me. With a quizzative look.

"Your still grieving over your girlfriend Ashley. These are all natural feelings to have and with you being so close with the accident your going to experience alot of emotions. Don't beat yourself up about everything. You coming in here today has shown that you are willing to try to work through with everything that happened. That is alot of progress Ashley."

Hearing that from him had encouraged me a whole lot more about myself.

I stayed there for the entire hour that morning and then had Kyla pick me up after I was finished. That was one thing that I don't think I will be able to do again. Drive. Yeah I had my license taken away from me for the year along with probabtion for three years for everything that happened but I doubt I will be able to get behind a wheel with what I did.

xxxx

"How did everything go?" Kyla asked me when we were drivng to get something to eat at In-N-Out. I swear I love those burgers. It's like the only thing I've been eatting since I got here to LA. I blame it on Ky because she said they were good and she was not kidding.

"It was ok." I guess I wasn't ready to talk to anyone around me yet. That's fine with me though because I was only comfortable with talking with Dr. Carlin about this for right now. How sad is it that I can't even talk to my own sister about my dead girlfriend. You would think I would be able to talk to the people who are closes to me but I can't get myself to doing that.

One of the weird things though is that with the time Spencer and I were hanging out during the week I was starting to feel comfortable with her but with everything she said this morning in the kitchen literally killed me.

I guess that's what I get for thinking that she might be someone I could talk to.

Kyla and I were sitting in In-N-Out eating and then Spencer just popped into my head. Why was she in Mr. Carlins office when I first got there that first day? So I thought that I would start asking questions.

"Hey Ky is Spencer your bestfriend?" Had to start off small. Don't want to give her the wrong impression on things.

"Yeah. Both of us had moved to LA the same time. She moved from Ohio and I moved from Baltimore where mom lives. We both had the same classes so we got to know eachother and from then on we were always hanging out with eachother. It wasn't until the following year Aiden and I started talking. Of course with him came Madison." The mention of Madison made me laugh. She was a handful which made me wonder why her and Ky were even friends. But oh well you can't choose your friends right.

"Oh I see. So why does she care so much for?" I asked Ky while eating my burger. Oh yeah these are some good burgers.

Kyla glanced at me and then out the window staring at some couple fighting outside. I noticed that as well but I didn't pay attention to it like Ky was.

"She doesn't mean wrong Ashley. She's a really good person and what you heard this morning was just something she was wondering about. Spencer wound never put you down."

"She did Kyla!" Hearing that from Ky had kind of got to me because I had heard everything that they were talking about and it pissed me off so much. She didn't know Dani or me so there was no reason for her to talk about us like that. She cares so damn much then she need to stay out of my business and then things will be great between us."

I stood up and threw my stuff away. I wasn't hungry anymore. Shortly after Kyla followed right behind me and then we were heading back to the house.

Is it me or does she not ever stay home. Spencers car was parked outside the house when we pulled up and I swear that girl doesn't have any other friends or something. What was her deal?

I got out of the car and I started to walk to the house. I walked in without so much as a word to the both of them. Instead I went straight for my room and didn't bother coming back out. There was no need to.

I turned my stereo on and then I grabbed my notebook and continued to finish the picture I was drawing this morning.

It was about 15 minutes when I hear a knock on my door. I ignored it and went back to drawing when I hear it again. You have got to be kidding me. Just freaking leave me alone already. I got off the bed and then went over to the door. When I opened it up Spencer stood right there.

"Your friend is downstairs. Go bug her." I told her as I stood there with my hand on the door and the other on my hip.

"I'm sorry about this morning. I shouldn't of asked Kyla about your life Ashley. Your right it's none of my business."

She was doing a Dani move. She had her head down and was playing with the ring that she had on her hand. What was with me? I got this really sharp pain in my chest and I started to get chocked up.

"Ash are you ok?" Ash? When did she start calling me Ash? Only Ky and Dani called me Ash. Tears started to take over me and I was about to let it out.

To late they are here.

I broke down right in front of Spencer. My body went down to the floor and I leaned myself against the wall holding onto my knees against my chest. Spencer bent down to me asking me what was wrong but I didn't pay attention to anything she was saying.

So much of Dani was bombarded into my head and it made me worse then I was before. All noises were deleted from my ears and all I saw was Spencers face and Kylas face in front of me. The next thing I feel is arms around me. They weren't Kylas arms. They were Spencers.

What was going on with me?

(A/N: Hey you guys...hows it going?? So theres the chpt...what did you think of it?? This stuff is just coming off the brain as I write it so please tell me if it aint good ok...i like to hear whats going on in my readers head ok...soo thanks for reading and reviewing...u guys are awesome!! I'll try to post this weekend ok...Laters!! Much luv!)


	5. Chapter 5

To everyone that reviewed the last one thank you very much!! I really appreciate hearing from everyone that reads the story!! Well heres the next chpt...Enjoy!

**Moments Lost **

It seemed like it was hours as I had finally calmed myself down enough to be able to sit there on my own. Spencer didn't let that happen though. She had let me go but not once did she leave my side. There was something that I just didn't understand about her sometimes. Yeah she was a sweet girl but she didn't have to go through all of this just for me.

Kyla had left the room to get me something to drink so I had thought this was as good as time as any to bring in up.

"Spencer."

"Hmm." I heard her respond to me as we both sat there on the floor.

"Why are you here?" I looked at her and she looked down to the floor as if trying to come up with something to tell me.

"Because I'm trying to be your friend." She finally spoke out.

"I really appreciate everything that you and Kyla have done for me but I feel like theres more that your not telling me. Is there?" I wasn't really sure where I was going with this either but something told me that there was something more that Spencer wasn't telling me.

"It's nothing Ashley. I just want to be your friend. That's all." I stood to my feet and she did the same thing.

"Whatever you say Spencer." I was looking out my window and then turned back around to say something to her but she was already out the door. That was interesting if you ask me.

xxxx

That evening Kyla and I sat down on the couch in the living room watching movies when her cell phone went off. I swear if it's Aiden I'm going to be pissed. He already knows we are having a movie night tonight. Which meant no boys.

"Hey Spence." I sat there trying to ignore the fact that Spencer was on the other line but I couldn't pay attention to the movie.

"I'm just sitting here with Ashley. We're watching some movies. Do you want to come over?" I waited to hear her responce and it took forever for Kyla to respond back to her.

"Oh ok. Well I guess I'll just see you tomorrow ok." I'm guessing she said no. Which was a big shocker because she is always over here no matter what. I wonder what's going on.

"Was that Spencer?" I asked casual.

"Yeah she's heading over Nicks house so that's why she said she couldn't come over."

Nick?

This is the first that I've heard about some guy name Nick.

"Oh her boyfriend?" I asked as I continued to watch the movie.

"Something like that. They've been on and off for a few months now. Nothing serious just a fling you know."

Don't lie Kyla it's called a booty call. She was going over to Nicks house to get some.

Why did I care?

I went back to watching the movie and tried to get the whole thought out of my head that Spencer was going over to some guys house to have sex. Wow this is bugging me more then I had thought it would.

I don't like her.

I love Dani.

No one else.

xxxx

That following Monday I went to school like nothing was bothering me but deep down inside I was fighting with alot of things. So instead of keeping them inside I knew that I had to talk to someone about them. I knew that I had to get it off my chest. So after school I made myself head over to the one person that I knew would not judge me for what I say.

xxxx

"Hey Ashley come on in."

I chose to head over to Dr. Carlins office so I could talk to him about everything that was going on in my head.

"I'm sorry that I didn't make an appointment but I kind of need someone to talk to and I'm not ready to talk to anyone around me."

"That's quite alright Ashley. Whenever you need to talk then you know you can head over to my office anytime you need to." Hearing that from him had really made me more at ease about coming over here after school.

"So what's on your mind today?"

I sat back in the chair and things started to jump out of my mouth.

"There's this girl. She's my sisters bestfriend and she's been trying to help me ever since I got here but I haven't let her in at all. At one point I thought I could be able to because she seemed like someone I could trust but then I heard her talking with my sister about Dani. That just changed my mind about talking with her. I don't know Dr. Carlin I'm like going back and forth with feelings and I don't know what to do." He sat there looking at me as if he had a feeling what was running through my head.

"Do you have feelings for your sisters bestfriend?" That has been the first time someone has brought that up and for that instint I was puzzled. As fast as the thought of me liking Spencer came into my head I shot it out just as fast.

I can not like Spencer.

I love Dani.

There's no one else for me.

I closed my eyes and tried to think of Dani as Spencers face would pop up into my memory. I was starting to get mad now. I couldn't fall for someone else. Dani was and is everything to me that I would never be able to forget her and fall for someone else.

I won't let it happen.

xxxx

I decided to walk home after the meeting. I didn't want to tell Kyla that I had went to go see Dr. Carlin because then she would know that there was something up.

The whole way home I either had Dani in my head or Spencer on my mind and it was really pissing me off. Why am I even bothering about Spencer? She's this straight girl who has no intentions of even liking me. This is just so damn confusing.

When I finally got back to the house everyone was over. I walked through the front door and Kyla came running up the door with nothing but smiles.

What was her deal?

"Hey we are celebrating tonight!" This girl was beaming.

"Why?" I asked looking in the living room where everyone was sitting. Aiden, Madison, Spencer, and some guy were all looking towards me.

Wait.

Who's the guy sitting by Spencer?

For some odd reason I had a funny feeling that this was Nick. Spencers Nick. The one she has random sex with. I never would pegged her for being that type of girl.

Of course Spencer gave me no eye contact. Something was up with her that's for sure.

"Aiden got MVP." Excuse me while I go and report the media.

"Oh that's cool. I'm not really up for celebrating though Ky." I started to walk over to the stairs so I could get to my room quick when Kyla pulled on to my arm.

"I'm not taking no for an answer. We all want you there. Right you guys." Kyla looked at everyone and they all shook their head and I looked over at Spencer. She made no gesture what so ever.

I agreed to go out with then because of Kyla. If anything she would make sure that I had a good time. Right?

xxxx

Nope. I'm stuck over here in Greys watching everyone dance with one another. I lost track of Kyla a few minutes ago and Spencer is all over her man Nick. The sight of them just made me boil inside and I couldn't believe that I was jealous.

I've never been that type of person. Dani and I were always together and not once did she give me a reason to be jealous of people around us. She loved me just as much as I loved her.

Now here I am jealous of someone that I know has no feelings for me like that and that I pushed away. Ughh.

So I sat there talking with the bartender.

"So why are you here at the bar by yourself?" The lady asked me.

"I don't know. Just don't feel like going out there and dancing. I just came here to celebrate with my sister and her boyfriend. Of course I'm just sitting here instead of celebration like I should."

"Would you like a drink?" I looked at her as if she was lying to me.

"Yeah actually that would be great. Vodka Red Bull please."

The lady smiled and got my drink in a second. Hmm maybe this night is going to turn out good.

xxxx

One hour and three Vodka Red Bulls later I was feeling really good.

I looked out at the crowd and thought that I should have some fun like the rest of them. I search the room for Kyla. As soon as I found her I decided that I would dance with the group. No need to be sitting at the bar drunk when you can be on the dance floor dancing with everyone.

Here I was not paying attention to anything or anyone around me. If they wanted to dance then I would dance with them. Shit even Madison even danced with me and me and her don't talk at all. We will say our hellos and shit like that but never have a straight conversation. Oh well though it doesn't really bother me that much. I was having a really good time when I look over at Spencer walking towards us and Nick was nowhere in sight.

So me being the girl that is drunk I wrap my arms around her neck and don't let her walk past me.

"Dance with me!" I yell out over the music and she looks at me as if she wants to protest and say no but she doesn't. Instead we dance and might I add we really dance. None of this friends shit. No, we dance like we want to get closer to eachother and with the way she is grinding on me that's exactly what I want to happen right now. I hands have a mind of their own and when she turns around to me I see her face and I freeze right there. I became sober real quick.

What the hell was I doing?

This isn't me. She isn't Dani.

I let go of her and she could tell that something was happening with me. She tried to hold on to my hand but I pull away and got the hell out of the club.

I needed Dani more then ever.

(A/N: So what did you guys think?? Pretty interesting towards the end there huh...yeah i was going to have it go another route but thats not me hahaha...well give me details and tell me whats up ok...thanks for reading and reviewing...i love it all!! Much Luv!!)


	6. Chapter 6

First off I would love to thank all my reviewers...u guys are awesome to review when a new chpt comes up...thank you so much for making me feel like I'm doing something right hahaha...well here you go.

Heres another chpt. Enjoy.

**Moments Lost **

I feel like I'm cheating on her. I feel like I'm doing something so horribly wrong and I can't get my head around it. I want so much to feel good about how I'm feeling towards Spencer but I don't. She isn't the one who made me happy every morning waking me up for school. Or the one who I shared my first time with. That experience was so beautiful that it just makes me want to cry when I think about how Dani touched me so gentle and with care. She should me how it was to love someone and I'm forever going to be greatful to that.

I guess when it comes down to it though Dani is no longer with me. Dani doesn't get to wake me up in the morning anymore. Dani can't hold me when I'm crying or hurting in some way. No Dani is dead and it was my fault. My fault that everything happened the way that it did. My fault that she doesn't ge to live her life like she wanted to. I'm the one who stopped her from going to college or having the family that she always wanted. I took it all away from her.

She was my life.

xxxx

I ran out of that club trying to get away from everything that was making me feel worse about myself when I hear my name being called behind me. I had Kylas keyes in my purse and I wanted to get away from that voice. I needed to get away from that voice.

"Ashley stop!" I went digging through my purse looking for the keyes trying to focus on it when Spencer grabbed the purse from me.

"Your not driving!"

"Give me the keyes Spencer!"

"No. I'm not going to let you make that mistake again." Hearing her say that to my face sent angry through my veins and I slapped her. I couldn't believe it but I slapped her.

Tears were streaming down my face and I stopped myself from doing anything else. Spencers face was red from my slap but not once did she even attempt to hit me back.

"You can hit me all you want Ashley, but I'm not going to let you kill yourself."

"I WANT TO DIE!" I screamed at her with so much hate for myself all of this sucked and I wanted to be with Dani. I longed to be with Dani.

"Stop! Just stop it!" Spencer was in tears and I was beyond that. She grabbed me and wrapped her arms around me and all I could do was hold on to her for dear life.

"I don't want you to die Ashley. I would hate myself if anything like that happened to you. Please stop this. Please." I cried in her neck and not once did I want to let go.

"Why did this happen to me? Why?" I whispered it to Spencer as she held me tight not letting anything get in the way between us.

"I wish I had answers for you but I don't Ash. I'm just sorry that you had to go through the. Don't let this ruin your life your to important to people around here. Your to important to me." Hearing her say that to me sent shivers down my body and it made me hold her just a little bit tighter.

Our bodies were pressed to eachother against the car when Kyla and Aiden came out of the club. When Spencer heard Kylas voice she quickly let go of be but didn't move from her position in front of me.

"Ashley you ok?" She asked me as she came towards me but all I could think about was how I was cold now that Spencer wasn't holding me anymore. I wanted to feel her touch again. I wanted to feel her heart beat next to mine.

I looked down to the ground and I then looked over at Ky.

"I'll be ok. I just need to think about somethings in my life that's all." I directed my eye contact back over to Spencer and she was stairing at me as if she wanted to be back in my arms as well. I kind of wish Kyla didn't come out here with Aiden. I wanted to spend more time with her.

"Can we go home now?" I asked Kyla hoping that Spencer would come over as well.

"Yeah that's fine." Kyla turned to Aiden and kissed him goodbye. I glanced over at Spencer and her head went down to the ground. What was on that beautiful blondes mind?

"Spencer are you coming back to the house with us?" I asked her before Kyla could say anything to her. Spencers head shot up at me and a smile spread across her face. She was so cute. Yeah I didn't know what I was doing with Spencer but I still felt that I should at least try to see what could happen.

Anything is possible right?

xxxx

The whole way back to the house I kept on thinking about how close Spencer and I were on the dance floor or when I broke down in front of the club. Please tell me who would go through all of that just for someone you had barely got to know resently through your friend. Everything points to that maybe she has a thing for me but then there's that feeling that I'm getting myself into something that I shouldn't. I really don't know much about her.

"Ky I'm just going to head up to my room to lay down." I looked at Spencer and she looked at me as if waiting for permission to come upstairs with her. I smiled at her and her pearly whites beamed back at me. She was really to cute. I walked back up to my room and kept the door unlocked. If I knew Spencer for being the person that she is then she would be up here soon.

Is this weird? How can I like someone who may or may not be gay?

This whole situation bewilders me.

I sat on the floor at the foot of my bed thinking of everything that's just flying through my brain right now and I really want it to make sence already. I know that Spencer wouldn't hurt me. Well I think she wouldn't hurt me but I guess I can't be to sure of that.

The door opened up slowly with Spencers head peeking through the door. She was so cute.

"Can I come in?" She asked with a smile on her face.

"Yeah." Spencer came in and then shut the door behind her. She stood there not really knowing where to sit down.

"Spencer you can sit down if you want." Spencer shook her head and then took a seat across from me so we would be looking at eachother while we talked.

Spencer sat there with her hands in her lap playing with the ring on her finger.

"Dani use to do that." Spencers head shot up and looked directly at me with her eyes wide open. As if she was shocked to hear me say something about Dani.

"She did what Ash?"

"She use to play with the ring on her finger. This one." I raised my hand and showed Spencer the ring that her mother gave me that was on Danis hand when she died.

"It's really pretty."

"Thanks." I looked back down at the ring and had felt her near me. I missed her so much.

"She was a really awesome person. She knew what to say to make me happy or in a better mood. She was my first love and I really wish that you knew her because you would of liked her."

"I think I would of to. If she was anything like you." My head shot up to look at her and the blue eyes were looking right through me.

What was this?

What was going on with us?

"What's going on Spencer? I don't understand whats going on here. I get this feeling that you have feelings for me but then I get this other side of you that says that you want nothing to do with me. I honestly don't know what to think."

Spencer had her head down and I knew I was getting that feeling where she was scared to speak her mind to me.

"Spencer I don't want to make you feel any way. I just don't want to be hurt."

"Ashley I don't know how I feel. I don't even know what's going on in my head but all I know is that I can't get you out of my head. I tried to push you out of my head but whatever I do your there. Don't get me wrong it's not bad but I'm straight so I don't know what to think about this either."

Hearing her say these things to me didn't make me any happier.

"Don't do anything that you feel uncomfortable doing Spencer. I never asked you to like me. I never asked you to talk to me. I never asked you to be my friend." I don't know why I'm getting mad but it was starting to rise inside me.

"Ashley it's not like that." She got up to her knees and started to come towards me. I was going to get off the floor but she pulled my arm down and I just sat there with her right in front of me.

"I know that I'm all confused right now but I'm not going to hurt you. That's not even what I'm trying to attempt. I just don't know how to process all of these feelings inside of me."

"You can do whatever you want Spencer. I'm not going to stop you." I meant it to. I knew this wasn't easy for her and I know damn well that it's not easy on me. Dani is all I've loved. How am I suppose to understand these feelings that I have towards Spencer?

I'm not suppose to like anyone else. Dani and I both promised eachother that we would be eachothers loves forever. Now she gone and I'm here falling for someone else. It could just be lust. I could just miss the closeness of someone. Maybe that's what this is to me. Maybe that's all I need.

Spencer came closer to me on her hands and knees looking from my eyes to my lips.

Shit was she reading my mind or something.

I felt her breahte against my lips and my heart was beating a mile a minute. What the hell am I suppose to do?

"Are you sure I can do whatever I want Ashley?" Damn she had me right there.

"Mhmm." I let slip from my mouth as I felt her inch her way closer to me.

(A/N: So theres the chpt...LMAO...sry I had to do that you guys hahaha I'm just so mean and I'm in a really good mood right now hahaha...i swear im sober hahaha anyways tell me what you think about all of this ok...I LOVE REVIEWS!! Please leave some love!!)


	7. Chapter 7

Hahaha ...dude u guys i totally loved all the reviews from the last chpt...it was hilarious to hear from you guys because I left you all hanging...hope you don't hate me!! PLEASE...dont hate me!! Hahaha but yes thank you all for reading and telling me how u feel. Well heres the next chpt.

Enjoy.

**Moments Lost **

_Right as she was about to kiss me her cell phone rung in both of our ears. Of course I figured that it was a sign not to go as fast as we were going. Spencer backed away from me with a disapointed look on her face and I was kind of scared of the kiss. I don't know exactly how I would of taken it. _

So that of course happen about a week ago. That night I had found out a lot about Spencer. She actually opened up to me and I was really happy to know that she wanted to share everything with me.

_"When I lived in Ohio there was this girl named Leslie. We were really good friends. Hung out every day and on the weekends. Of course over there you have to be proper and prim for everyone in your town. So that was pretty much me. I was the one person that followed my parents rules and didn't disagree with whatever was told of me. Personally I really hated it. But then one day Leslie and I were hanging out on the open field on her property. Leslies family had a lot of land that we would just hang out on." Spencer paused as we both sat there and I was looking at her face expression. I could tell that she didn't really want to go on. _

_"You know you don't have to go on if you don't want to Spence." Spencer looked up at me and gave me a half a smile. At least it was something. _

_"It's ok. So we were hanging out and as we were sitting there on the grass Leslie came out and told me something that kind of scared. Actually it scared me a lot. She told me that she liked me. Of course I sat there not really knowing what to say because I've never known anyone that was gay. I was raised in a home where you couldn't think about anything like that not even talk to anyone. So when she told me that it scared me. I left her there by herself and didn't talk to her." _

_Spencer paused to look at my face expression now and I didn't know what to think of it all. That was wrong of what she did to her bestfriend and then to come out and tell me this kind of got my brain moving. What is this with us now? Is she going to pull away from me to? _

_I sat there waiting for her to go on with her story. _

_"I never told my parents what happened between Leslie and I. They would ask me all the time where she was but I just said we grew apart and I hung out with other friends. I of course hated myself and then when we moved away there was this big part of me wished that I didn't give a damn about what other people thought about me. When I thought about it I knew that I had feelings for her but at the time I was scared and I didn't want to have to deal with all of the problems that came with being the way that I was. Or the way that I was feeling. I don't want to rush things Ashley but I also don't want to ignore the way I feel about you either." To hear her say that while coming closer to me had made this all so real. _

_There was one thing I knew was that I had to take this slow. I still love Dani and I don't ever want to replace her but I also know that I need to try and move on with my life in some way. Maybe Spencer is that way for me. _

_Maybe. _

So finding out about Spencer had made me scared that she would bail on me once things got more serious. I know that we should of talked about it a little more but I didn't want to push things with her. So instead we have been hanging out with eachother all week.

Movies, mall, we went to a art gallery for me. We've just done a lot and she's just proving to me that thing's might actually be ok for us.

xxxx

"Are we going to do anything today?" Spencer was sitting in my room on my bed and I was looking through my closet to see what I could wear.

"Is there anything that you want to do today?" I asked her as I peeked my head out of the closet to see if there was a place she wanted to go to.

"I don't really have a place but I guess we can hang out with Kyla and Aiden today." They apparently got a lot of people to go out to the beach and have a bonfire. Kyla asked Spencer this morning if we wanted to go and Spencer didn't know if we were going to do anything else so she didn't make a decision but I knew that she wanted to go.

"Sure if that's what you want to do." I told her as I was looking for something to wear tonight at the bonfire. Hanging out with all of Kylas friends wasn't a big thing for me but I knew that they were Spencers friends as well so I agreed to go.

A second later I feel someone behind me and I turn around and Spencer is right in front of me in the closet. She grabbed a hold of my hand and started swinging in with hers.

"If you don't want to go to the beach we can do something else." She had the cutest smile on her face, but I knew that she wanted to go to the beach.

"It's fine Spencer. The beach sounds good." Spencer leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

We have come to kisses on the cheek now. Of course I'm fine with that. I don't expect anything and I wouldn't be able to deal with anything else right now. Kyla knows that we are hanging out a lot more but she hasn't said anything about it. It makes me wonder if she thinks anything about us.

xxxx

When we showed up at the bonfire there were tons of people from King High that I didn't know. Then again I didn't know anybody except Kyla, Aiden, Madison, and Spencer. Everybody else I never really gave much interest in. So I grabbed a spot on one of the logs that was placed all around the fire and stay there with my sweater snugged around my body. The night air had a breeze which caused me to get the chills. I watched Spencer talk with a lot of her friends from school as I sat there. Yep this was definitely not my thing.

"Hey do you want anything to drink?" Aiden asked me as soon and he and Kyla came over to me.

"A beer please." Aiden went to go get us some drinks and Kyla sat right next to me.

"Are you having fun?" Kyla had a big smile on her face and when she looked over at me the smile faded.

"I'll take that as a no. Why did you come if this isn't your thing Ash?" I looked over towards Spencer and smiled at how she looked with the light from the fire bounced off her body. She was so beautiful.

"You really like her don't you?" Kyla was reading my mind.

"I don't know what I'm doing Ky. I still haven't gotten over Dani and she isn't out. How am I suppose to deal with something like this?"

"You have to let Spencer make her own steps and if you guys are suppose to be then things will work themself out. As for missing Dani, I don't think that will ever stop. She was your first love Ash and she will forever have a piece of your heart but now you have to learn to love another. Maybe Spencer is your Dani. Then again maybe she's not." When Kyla said she might not there was a piece of me inside that wanted to yell out saying that she was for me. I just didn't know how to handle it all.

Time went by and Spencer was hanging out with everyone but me. Yeah I know I shouldn't get jealous but I was. I got even more jealous when Nick showed up at the bonfire. This whole time I had completely forgot about Spencers visits with Nick. When she's straight she goes for him. I stood there across the bonfire looking at the both of them and he had his arm drapped all over her. Spencer of course did nothing but wrap her arm around his waiste.

I decided to grab another beer and drink my sorrow down.

Why couldn't she show that affection towards me?

Why did she have to pretend around her friends?

I felt like I was her experiment.

As I sat there looking at the both of them. I felt bad and I knew that I had no place to care what she was doing. We aren't a couple and I knew that I shouldn't of expected so much from her. I glanced at my watch and it was 10:37 P.M. I wanted to go home.

I went to go and look for Kyla but I didn't she her or Aiden anywhere so I didn't have a ride there. Madison was drinking up a storm so I knew I wouldn't be able to ask her and as for Spencer she was busy with her man candy. I grabbed another beer and decided to go for a walk down the beach. I might as well do something until I find Ky or Aiden. I wasn't really in the mood to talk with Spencer right now. Just seeing her all over Nick had made me so angry. It hurt to know that she wasn't mine to be jealous over and I really wanted it to be different.

"Ashley!" I heard a voice from behind me and when I turned around it was Spencer running towards me. Part of me was happy to see her but the other part of me didn't want to see her. Damn me and my feelings.

"Where did you go? I was looking for you all over." She was trying to catch her breathe as I continued to walk down the beach feeling the cold water flow over my feet. It felt so good.

"What's wrong?" She kept on going on and on. I would of thought she would of got the hint that I didn't really feel like talking right now.

"Ash." She grabbed a hold of my arm to stop me from walking any further.

"What Spencer!" I snapped and I knew that I shouldn't have.

"What's wrong with you?" I saw the hurt in her eyes and she finally knew how I felt about everything.

"How's Nick?" I asked her as she released my arm.

"It's not what you think. He's just a-" I cutt her off.

"A friend? So do you sleep with all your friends?" That's when I cut her deep. She backed away from me and I would of done the same thing.

"Spencer I'm sorry. Spencer!" I got in front of her and didn't let her leave. I was not going to have her mad at me.

"Stop please." I placed my hands on her face as the tears started to pour down her cheeks.

"We were a couple before you got her Ashley. Then once you came into town things changed for me. I started having feelings for you. I started to notice that you needed someone like I did. So I told Nick that I thought we should take a break. Of course when I started noticing what I was doing with you I backed off and couldn't deal with the thought that I could be gay." She was falling for me?

I couldn't hear whatever else she had to say to me. I couldn't hear her say that she slept with him just to try to prove that she wasn't gay so I kissed her. That's right I'm the one who made the move. I placed my lips apon hers and I loved every second of it.

To feel her lips touching mine had set off so many feelings inside me.

I moved back from her lips and had her face in the palm of the my hands. I looked deep into her eyes and I was seeing if what I did was something that she wanted as well.

"Is this ok?" I said it out loud because I think I needed to hear the words myself.

"I'm scared Ashley."

"So am I." I whispered so softly as I came closer to her and our lips met again.

(A/N: Hey you guys leave the love...tonight aint all that great for me but I wanted to post this for yu guys hopefully its ok!! Tell me what you think...thanks!!)


	8. Chapter 8

Hey you guys today im actually having a better day...I'm glad that you guys loved the last chpt hahaha i was trying to come up with a cliffhanger but my brain wasn't into it. Well heres the next one! I'll try to write over the weekend...I don't think I have anything going on!!

Here you go...Enjoy!

**Moments Lost **

I laid in bed that night after the bonfire and I couldn't get the kiss off of my brain. To feel her in my arms had made me so happy inside. It's been a long time since I've been happy in any way. Spencer was scared and I knew that.

_"I'm scared Ashley." _

Her words had echoed through my ears and I didn't want her to be scared. If anything she was making me feel better about myself and losing Dani. Just the fact that I have to deal with my feelings and thoughts was a big thing for me. Never in my life did I think that I would fall for anyone other then Dani. Now Spencer was here showing me that I can deal with my past and try to move on with what's in front of me.

Life is so complicated sometimes that I just didn't understand it at all.

My phone started ringing and it took me out of my thoughts. I rolled over and looked at my clock on my night stand.

_1:23 A.M. _

Who would be calling me this late at night. I reached over grabbed the phone off the night stand and answered it.

"Hello."

"I couldn't sleep."

It was Spencer. Just to hear her voice put a smile on my face.

"I couldn't sleep either. So I was just laying here." I rolled over to my side with the phone pressed to my cheek.

It was quiet between us for a second there and I knew that she was thinking of something.

"Is something wrong Spence?" The quiet was starting to kill me now. Maybe she was regretting everything that happened tonight at the beach.

Please say something Spencer.

"I really like you and all the time that we have been spending together has made me see that I want to maybe make something out of us. I want to be your girlfriend."

Now it was my turn to be quiet.

Now it was my turn to run away from things.

Just hearing those words come from her had made me scared shitless. I thought that I would be able to commite with going slow but this was not slow for me. She wanted a relatonship with me even though I wasn't sure if that was what I really wanted. I was quiet for a really long time that she started to say my name on the phone and it broke me from my panic state.

"Ash. Ashley!"

"Yeah." I barely let slip out of my mouth.

"What's wrong? Don't you want to be with me?"

That's the thing. I do, but I don't know if I can. Not yet anyways.

Of course I wasn't saying this to her. Instead I was keeping these thoughts in my head and I didn't know if I really wanted to go into it tonight.

"Can we talk tomorrow Spence?" I knew that I was freaking her out by the way I wasn't saying anything about the subject.

"No. I want to know what's wrong. If you don't want to be with me then just say so and don't ignore me."

"It's not that Spencer." I seriously do not want to have this conversation tonight.

"Whatever Ashley." With that she hung up the phone and I closed my phone with so much more on my mind then when she first called me. I hated when she was mad at me but I also didn't know what to come out and tell her about being together. Trust me I was falling hard for her but I was scared of everything as well.

To be honest with you it took me some time before I commited myself to Dani. Dani of course had her ways and told me that if I didn't decide on what I wanted to do then she wasn't going to be there forever. I couldn't lose her. She was everything to me, so I made that commitement and fell in love with her. Maybe that's what I need to do. I need to forget everything that is holding me back and try to work through everything. I need to be there for her and I know in return she was going to be there for me.

I debated if I should call Spencer back but I didn't want to start anything else tonight so I decided to wait until tomorrow morning when she was going to come over.

xxxx

That next morning I was downstairs at 10 A.M. watching cartoons when the front doorbell wrang. Kyla was in the kitchen so I just let her get the door. I already knew who it was.

A few minutes later she came walking into the living room. Kyla walked in with her and I was really hoping that she was not going to stay with us. Spencer sat on the couch and Kyla smiled at the both of us.

"Can I help you with something Ky?" I asked her getting annoyed that she was smiling like an idiot at the both of us.

"So are you guys umm...together?" Wow it wasn't really that hard to ask.

Right when I was about to answer her question Spencer spoke up first.

"No. She doesn't want to be with me." I looked directly at her but she still had her view fixed on Ky. I looked back over at Ky and she was looking at me with her eyes wide open. This is going to be one interesting conversation.

"Ky can we be alone please?" Ky left the room and Spence sat all the way on the other side of the couch. She apparently did not want to be close to me.

"Spencer I never said that I didn't want to be with you. But when you came out and pretty much asked me out last night it just hit me hard. I care for you alot but-"

Spencers body turned towards me and to see her eyes stairing right at me had made me pause at what I wanted to say.

"But-!" She was pissed with me.

"Why can't we go slow Spencer? Why do we have to be together so fast? I don't want to mess this up between us. I want to make sure of everything before getting into this."

"I'm sure Ashley. Your the one who isn't." Spencer laid her head back on the couch and I sat there not really knowing what to say to make things better. I knew that I had messed this all up but I was at least being truthful with everything. I didn't want to make any mistakes and end up hurting both of us. I care to much for her to want to hurt her in any way.

I scooted closer to her on the couch and I grabbed her hand. All she did was yank it away from me. Instead of giving up I grabbed it again.

"Please look at me." I asked her and after a second or two she finally looked at me and it took my breathe away. She was really beautiful.

"I don't want to lose you Spence. You've been there ever since I got here and I care for you a lot. You're right. I should give us a chance and not worry about everything that's in the past. I'm sorry if I made you think that I didn't want to be with you because I want so very much to be in your life if you still want me." I was playing with her fingers as we were both sitting there on the couch. When I looked up at her she had a huge smile on her face. I'm guessing I said exactly what she wanted to hear.

"Do you want to get out of here?" She asked me with one of her eyebrows raising up at me. I thought it was the funniest thing I have ever seen.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked her playing along with the game. I got closer to her as she scooted back on the couch and I leaned against her pinning her to the couch. She had nowhere to go now.

"Maybe your room." Spencer said with her breathe speeding up and our lips inches away from eachother. Why I wasn't leaning into kiss her right now was beyond me. I lowered my lips and finally granted what her eyes were begging for.

"Ash I don't want to do this here." She said as she moved away from my lips and I closed my eyes while resting my forehead to hers. I got off the couch and outstretched my hand towards her to take. Once she took it I pulled her up towards me. I placed my hands on her waiste and loved the fact that she felt so good next to me. This could be the lust in both of our eyes but I wanted her badly. I placed a soft but sweet kiss on her lips and then started to walk up to my room with Spencer following me.

_Ding Dong _

You have got to be kidding me.

"Ash maybe you should get that." I turned around to her still holding onto my hand and I gave her a pout.

"Go get it!" She pulled me down from the stairs and she kissed me before she pushed me towards the door. I swear I am making a mental note to get the doorbell removed from this house so it will not interrupt us again. I smiled at her as I went to go and open up the door. With the smile plastered on my face it was removed when I noticed who was standing right in front of me.

"Mrs. Giovanni?" I barely felt the words escape from my mouth. What was Danis Mom doing here? Just with that Spencer came up behind me and with a cute gesture towards me she places a kiss on my cheek before even paying attention to whoever was at the door.

"Who is it Ash?" She had a huge smile on her face but all I had was regret on my mind.

(A/N: Sorry you guys it wasnt that long! I've been wracking my brains for thoughts for the story...soo tell me what you thought and thanks again for the reviews...ur all so great for taking the time to respond to the chpt!!)


	9. Chapter 9

Sry for the delay you guys...but I've been alil unsure of what this next chpt was going to have in it...but hopefully you guys like it!! Thx again for the reviews and sticking with me as I write this story!

Enjoy!

**Moments Lost **

I didn't know what to think when I saw Mrs. Giovanni at the door. My heart was in my stomach and when she saw Spencer kiss me on my cheek I felt like I was cheating on Dani all over again.

Why now?

Why here?

xxxx

"Ashley I know this must be a shock to me see me here but your mother told me where I would be able to get a hold of you. I hope that I wasn't interrupting anything." She looked at Spencer and then over to me.

Spencer was already sitting on the couch a seat away from me. I think she felt uncomfortable sitting by me when she knew that Danis mom was here in the house with us. I actually didn't mind though because I was feeling a little uncomfortable myself.

"No everything is ok. You didn't interrupt anything." I told her as I kept my view on Mrs. Giovanni but I could feel Spencers blue eyes on me while I talked with her.

"I just wanted to come and drop something off for you. George and I have decided to move over here to the west coast down in San Diego so I knew that I would have to drop by and give you this." She handed me a box and a card that came with it. I looked at the writing and it was from Dani. My chest started to tighten up and I could feel myself wanting to cry right there but I didn't let myself.

"I was packing up Danis room and I found this under her bed. I think it was for your birthday that following week after everything happened."

I remember that day. I was locked in my room after coming home from the hospital and my mom tried to get me to come out for my birthday but there was nothing for me to celebrate.

Dani and I were suppose to go to New York for my birthday and spend the night in the hotel. Obviously that weekend before had ruined any plans that we had in the future for the both of us. Turning 18 is suppose to mean something but there was no reason for me to celebrate anything at all. I had lost the main reason why I woke up every morning for and when that was taken away from me I wanted to die just like her.

"Thank you." I finally got the words to come out of my mouth as I sat there in the living room with Spencer on the side of me. I wanted her to hold me but with Mrs. Giovanni there that was not going to happen.

"Well I better get going. Mr. Giovanni is waiting in the car for me." We all stood to our feet and Mrs. Giovanni walked over to me and wrapped me into a hug. So many memroies of Dani came flooding through my brain making me overwhelmed as she squeezed me tighter.

"It was really good to see you smiling when I saw you at the front door Ashley. I hope that whatever or whoever has you smiling continues to do so. You deserve to be happy Ashley and I know Dani would want the same thing." From her last comment I felt my eyes start to water and I walked Mrs. Giovanni to the front door.

"Please come and visit us whenever your down in San Diego ok. We would love to see you some time." I tried to put on a smile as she walked down the walk way and got into the car. I was not expecting for her to show up, let alone drop something off that was apparently from Dani.

As soon as I shut the door I felt fresh tears bombarding my eyes and I rested my body against the door as I felt like I wanted to collapse right there and then.

"Ash." Spencers voice came to my ears and things hurt just a little bit more. Soon after hearing her voice I felt her touch behind me. Her arms came to the top of my shoulders and I turned around to look at her stand before me. She lifted her hand up to my face and wipped away the tears that were falling.

"Are you ok?" I wanted to yell out that I was not ok but Spencer did not deserve any of that.

I moved away from the door and walked into the living room right in front of the box and card for me.

Should I even open it?

I didn't know what to do with it. I knew it was a gift and I knew it was from Dani. Which also told me that I was going to hurt so much more if I open it.

Spencer sat there with me holding onto one of my hands while rubbing circles on my back trying to calm me down. I didn't know if there was anything that would calm me down at this point but I was really glad that she was trying.

"Are you going to open it?" Spencer asked me as I continued to look at the box in front of me.

"I'm just going to go and lay down. I'm not really feeling up to doing anything today." I didn't look over to Spencer but I knew how she took it. She stopped rubbing my back and she let go of my hand. I closed my eyes and tried to block out everything but it wasn't happening. So I grabbed the box, card, and headed towards the stairs.

"No goodbye?" I could hear the hurt coming from her voice and I hated myself a hundred times more. I stopped and turned around towards her catching her quivering lips as she was on the verge of crying.

"Bye Spence." I turned back around and went up to my room. All I heard from there was the front door slamming shut. I was numb. I was literally beside myself and felt like the world did not want me to be happy in some way. Everytime Spencer and I would get to a good place something or someone would come into the picture and we are thrown off track again. Spencer didn't deserve to be treated that way and I knew what was happening was getting to her. I know it would to me.

I set the stuff on my dresser and then laid down on the bed looking at it as I drifted off to sleep.

xxxx

_Ring _

_Ring _

_Ring_

Stupid ass phone. I reached over to my side and grabbed the phone.

"Hello." I said while sitting up off of the bed.

"What's going on Ash?" Kyla must of talked with Spencer. This should be great.

"What are you talking about Ky? Nothing's going on."

"Spencer said that Danis mom came to the house today and you went all weird on her. Why are you doing that to her? She doesn't deserve that."

"I know she doesn't Ky. I'm not stupid I have a heart to. Danis mom just took me off guard and I didn't know how to handle it all. I haven't seen her since the funeral and when I saw her this morning everything came crashing back. I just didn't know how to deal with it all."

"Well Spencer is really torn up that you can't confide in her. That you can't even talk to her about anything."

That wasn't true. I knew that I could talk to her I just didn't know how to deal with this all now. Dani was my life and when I made that mistake to drive drunk I took it from her and now I have to deal with the pain and guilt of it all.

"She knows that she can Ky. I just needed time to think about things." It was quiet between us and I sat there thinking of Dani and of Spencer.

Why was I so confused?

Why couldn't I get out from under the rock that was holding me down?

"I have to go Ky. I need to do something." I hung up the phone with her and then walked over to my dresser to grab the box. I slide down the wall by my closet and set the package in front of me. I could just ignore the package altogether but that wasn't going to do anything. It would just eat at me as long as I had it.

I grabbed the box and opened it up first before I opened up the card. I knew if I had opened up the card first I would ball my eyes out. All of this was going to make me cry I could already feel it.

I took off the ribbon and opened the box. My breathe was taken away as I held the box in my hand with a ring wrapped in a satin white cloth. The tears ran down my cheeks making me lose sight of the beautiful thing in front of me. How could she buy me something like this?

Why?

I grabbed a hold of the card as I wipped the tears away from my eyes and read the card.

_My Love, _

_Happy Birthday! I've been planning on getting you this present for some time now. Actually I've known that I've wanted to get you this certain gift. You make me so happy that I wanted to bring a smile to your face. I love you baby and I never want to love another for as long as I live. I hope you feel the same way to. You are my everything and so much more! Happy Birthday Ashley! _

_Love Always and Forever _

_Danielle Giovanni _

I dropped the card from my hands and curled into a ball on the floor. She bought me a ring and here I was falling for someone else. I promised I would love her forever and I couldn't even stand by my words. Dani trusted me with her life and instead I repay her by taking it from her.

I didn't noticed anything around me. I didn't notice my door being opened. I didn't notice when someone was calling my name as I laid there on the floor. I didn't notice when she helled me in her arms as I cried my eyes out. I didn't notice that I was now someone elses love and not Danis.

I just didn't notice.

xxxx

_"I'm always going to be here for you Ash. You're it for me and you know it." I smiled at her comment as we sat there in eachothers arms out on her grass in the backyard. We were laying on a blanket looking up at the stars as we held eachother so tight. _

_"I love you Dani. Don't you ever forget that either." Dani leaned on top of me pressing her lips to mine as I loved her so much. She sent my heart racing a mile a minute. _

_"I love you too." We smiled at eachother as she leaned back down to place her lips on mine. _

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you." I spoke the words again.

"I love you too Ash." Those weren't Danis words. Those were someone elses. I woke from my sleep and looked to find Spencer stairing back at me. She just told me that she loved me. Did I hear her right? Did she really just tell me that?

She must of thought that I was telling her in my sleep that I loved her and then she confessed that she loved me as well.

We were both laying on my bed and Spencer had her body right next to mine and I could feel the heat rise from her body as we laid there.

Spencer lifted her hand to my face and pushed aside a strain of curls away from my face.

"You are so beautiful. I could watch you sleep for hours and not once get bored with what I see. I want you to know that I'm here for you and I won't go anywhere. I love you." There's the words again. I closed my eyes shut tight as I felt her place her lips on mine. I laid there not sure if I should continue the kiss. Spencer means alot to me. So what do I do, I make things a little more complicated then what they are.

"I love you too." I whispered so softly as we lay there holding eachother.

(A/N:Ok so what do you think? I'm not to sure on things right now as well I'm trying to get this alittle more interesting but I'm confused on alot of it...so please cope with me as I try and get myself out of this whole that i might have dug myself in!! Thx for reading and be sure to leave the love!!)


	10. Chapter 10

You guys are awesome!! It's great to see new reviewers on my page and to see all my reviewers who have been there from the start...all of you are GREAT!! Thank you for your words and support!! Heres the next chpt!

Enjoy!

**Moments Lost **

That following Monday morning Kyla and I drove to school. I was still a little lost with everything that had happened on Saturday night with Spencer and me. She actually told me that she loved me and it confused me so much more. I care for her a lot but as for the love part that's not there. Of course all I did was make it even more complicated for me as I repeated the words in my sleep.

_"I love you." _

I'm really starting to hate those words.

So now I was walking around with a girlfriend that thinks that I love her. I couldn't tell her that I didn't mean to say that to her. I couldn't deal with hurting someone who I cared for a lot once again.

Maybe I can learn to love her. Maybe.

xxxx

"Hey baby." Spencer ran up to me as she wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Oh did I mention shes been way open about the both of us in public ever since the words were spoken to eachother.

Well she has.

She hasn't came out to her parents yet but she said that she had to find the right time to break it to them. That was going to be a very big thing for her and I knew that I was going to have to help her through it all when the time comes. Her brothers Glen and Clay know about her but I haven't heard them say anything about it. She hasn't told if they have a problem with her so I guess that was a good sign there.

"Hi." I said to her as I hugged her back.

Spencer is great to me and the fact that I feel like I'm lying to her in some way kills me inside.

I stood there breathing her in and loving that smell that makes my nose go crazy. I could grow to love her.

Right?

"I missed you last night." Her smile made me smile and I grabbed a hold of her hand lacing our fingers together as we walked into the school.

"I missed you to." I told her as she squeezed my hand.

"So are we going to do anything today?" It was Monday and I had told Dr. Carlin that I would come in on Monday afternoons for now on.

"Umm actually can it be a little bit later because I'm heading into Dr. Carlins office today." Spencer looked at me trying to see if I was keeping something from her.

"Is everything ok?" She stopped us as we were by my locker.

"Yeah everything's ok. I just want to keep my appointments with him. I like to talk with him about everything." Her face dropped and I knew that I said something that upset her.

"You can't talk to me?" Spencer asked with hurt in her voice.

"Spencer you know it's not like that. Of course I can talk to you, but it's way easier to talk to a stranger that doesn't know anything about my life." I pulled her towards me and I kissed the top of her head.

"Please don't think that I can't talk to you Spence because that's far from the truth. So I'll see you after?" I kissed her nose and then her mouth. I could of so easily went deeper with our kiss but I pulled back and got inside of my locker.

"Do you want me to pick you up and then we can go and grab something to eat?" I shook my head yes and then gave her a smile confirming that that would be great.

School started shortly after that and for once I was actually glad for it starting. I walked Spencer to class and right when I was going to walk away from her she grabbed a hold of my hand and brought me back to her.

"Where you going to leave me without giving me a kiss?" She was really cute. Her voice lighten up my heart and I leaned into her giving her a kiss on the lips. Spencer sent me overboard with her kiss. Why was it so hard not to be in love with this girl?

She's perfect. She wants me. She loves me. She wants to take care of me.

But yet here I am not even into the kiss like she is.

I really hate myself right now.

xxxx

"So how was your week Ashley?" Dr. Carlin asked me as I was getting comfortable on the couch in front of him.

"The week from hell but that shouldn't be a shocker right."

"How so?"

"Ok let me start from the beginning. Remember me telling you about my sisters bestfriend?"

"Yes."

"Well we were actually getting closer with eachother. I could tell that she was falling for me and I was with her. Of course though Dani was still in the back on my mind and she was the whole reason why I can't get to close to her. So Saturday rolls around and we are having a conversation about being a couple. I like her a lot but I'm still so unsure about a lot of things right now with my life. Everything was actually going pretty good with us until Mrs. Giovanni showed up at the front door."

"Now who is this?"

"Danis mom."

"Oh I see."

"So do you see where I went crazy for a little bit there. Here everything was actually becoming normal I guess you can say and then Dani pops up into my face. I swear I think I'm going to go crazy. I'm literally trying my best to cope with everything from my past and it's just getting thrown back at me. I don't know what to do anymore."

"Why do you think everything keeps on happening the way that they are?"

"Because she's angry with me. I promised her that I would love her forever and here I am with someone else and she's paying me back."

"Do you love her?"

"Who?" I asked not sure of who he was talking about.

"Your girlfriend now."

That's where I paused because yeah I've told her that I've loved her but it wasn't intended for her. My mind is running a marathon right now and I know I'm going to crash and burn.

"I don't know." That was the truth. I didn't really know how I felt about Spence.

"I think that Dani would want you to be happy with your life Ashley. Your letting the death of your girlfriend take over your feelings that you should be displaying for your girlfriend now. What I think that you should do is go to your room and get rid of everything that you have from Dani and put it in a box. It will help you to move on and try to figure out your life in front of you. Yes Dani died but you didn't. You need to live your life Ashley and holding onto the past won't let you move on."

Wow he was good.

"Ashley I forgot to ask you. What's your girlfriends name?"

Haha. This whole time I had forgotten to mention Spencers name. Yeah I'm stupid.

"Oh sorry Doc. Her names Spencer." I actually said it with a big smile and he looked at me as if I just did something to him. Why was he looking at me like that?

"Spencer?" He repeated.

"Yeah you know she's actually one of your clients." I told him as I was getting up to grab my bag from the floor.

"Ashley she isn't my client. She's my daughter." That's were I was slapped in the face. Dr. Carlin. Spencer Carlin. How stupid can I be? That's why she was here when I came that first day. Why didn't she mention that to me?

I stood there not sure what I was suppose to say after that. Spencer wasn't out to her parents and now I just outed her to her dad. My shrink. This is just perfect.

"I think your sessions done Ashley." He had a straight face on him and I was once again feeling like shit. Damn things just keep getting better and better.

I grabbed my things and started walking out of the door when I noticed Spencer sitting in the chair reading a magazine. Gees Spencer couldn't you just wait for me outside.

"Spencer." I heard Dr. Carlins words behind me which sounded like he was pissed. This wasn't going to be good at all. I think I had fear written all over my face that when she saw me she kind of froze up herself.

"Yeah." She stood to her feet and walked over to the room while I moved out of the way and right when she was passing me I whispered 'I'm sorry' to her.

The door was shut and I went downstairs. I was not going to sit in that waiting area and hear them argue about me or her sex preference.

xxxx

I was sitting on a bench outside the office and was thinking about everything Dr. Carlin had told me about Dani and then I was thinking about what was going to happen now that her father knew about us. Things weren't suppose to come out like this. Damn it why didn't she just tell me that was her father.

Ugh!

It wasn't her fault. It was mine. I should of noticed the last name. I should of put two and two together but no I was to caught up in my life to even give a damn to the people around me.

As soon as Spencer got out of the building I stood up so fast to see her with her face down to the ground. She wouldn't look at me.

"Spence." I tried to get her to look at me but still didn't even budge.

"We better go Ash. I'll drop you off at your house. I'm not really hungry anymore."

"Spencer look at me." She stood there by the car not moving.

"Spencer please look at me." Spencer turned around to see nothing but blood shot eyes. She'd been crying for awhile and it was because of me.

I took her into my arms and held her tight. At first she resisted me but after a second she embraced me as well. She cried more and more into me as we stood there outside the building of her fathers office.

"I'm so sorry Spencer. I didn't know that was your father. I promise you with everything that I did not know. I should of paid more attention to the things around me. I should of stopped worrying about my shit to be there for you. I'm so sorry Spence. Please tell me your ok." I pulled back and wipped the tears from her face and for the first time I saw something there that I never saw before. I saw her.

I saw the girl that helped me when I was fighting myself about Dani. I saw the girl who took care of me when I was drunk off my ass and wanted to continue to drink so I wouldn't have to feel anything. I saw the girl who loves me no matter how many flaws I have.

She is so beautiful in so many ways and I don't understand why I didn't see this before. Her eyes beamed right back at me with so much want and so much need that it was killing me inside.

"I love you Ash." She finally spoke to me as we stood there in silence just looking at one another. My grin turned into a smile and hers did the same.

"I love you more." I whispered into her mouth as I lightly placed my lips apon hers giving into all of my feelings and actually meaning every word I said to her. When I finally broke the kiss I opened up the car door for her and she got right in it. If she wanted to talk then she knew that she could talk to me when she wanted to. I wasn't going to push her into telling me everything that happened up there even though I was dying to know what went on.

xxxx

Spencer and I laid on the couch watching a movie. She still hasn't brought up everything that happened today with her father which is starting to make me think that it's worse. Spencer had her head on my chest and I had my arm wrapped around her back holding her tight. It felt so good to have her so close to me. I wanted to forever stay in this position with her.

"Spence."

"Hmm." Right when I was about to ask her what happened today her phone started to ring.

"Hold on." Spencer got up and dug through her purse for the phone.

"Hello." I could hear someone yelling in the back ground and it sounded female. It must be her mom.

"Mom stop yelling! I hear you ok." Yep it was her mom.

"Yes I'll be home in a few minutes. Ok, bye." Spencer was on the verge of crying.

"So I guess you have to go now." Spencer was still looking at her phone and she shook her head yes.

"Are you going to be ok?" I grabbed a hold of her hand wanting to make sure before she left here.

She glanced towards me and tried to give me a smile. Nice try but I wasn't buying it.

"I'll try to call you later."

Try?

"Umm ok." I walked Spencer to the door and we stood there. I placed my hands on her waist and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I really am sorry about everything Spencer. Your dad. How I've been treating you. Everything! You mean a lot to me and I want you to know that I love you." Spencers cheeks grew pink and I saw a blush. It was by far the cutest thing that I have seen on her beautiful face. She placed her hands on my cheeks and I inched my way closer to her.

"I love you too Ash. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise ok." She placed a kiss on each side of my cheeks and then last but definitely not least she placed a sweet kiss on my lips. I didn't want to stop the kiss because I didn't want to let her go. Instead of me stopping it she pulled away and said she had to get going. I walked with her outside to her car and she got in. She drove away with a smile on her face and a wave in the breeze.

xxxx

That night I didn't hear from Spencer like she said she would _try_ to. I tried to call her cell but all I got was her voicemail.

I was starting to get a bad feeling about everything that happened today.

I'll just talk to her about it tomorrow.

(A/N: SO what do you guys think?? PLease give me some feed back. U hate it? U love it? Both? I don't know just show some responce hahaha...well thank you all for everything! I'll post soon! Promise!)


	11. Chapter 11

Sry for the delay...my week has been packed...and trust me if u kno me then u kno that is a big shocker hahaha JK...anyways heres the next chpt for all of ya!! I actually have some interesting things coming up...and it should be exciting!

Enjoy.

Sry you guys I dont have time to edit it...soo please dnt hate me!! I just wanted to get this up becausae I wont have time to do it later!! Forgive me!

**Moments Lost **

School came but Spencer never did.

I waited out in front for her like I have this last week but she never pulled up in her VW. Now I was worried.

What if her parent's didn't want her to be at school with me?

They couldn't keep away from me.

Could they?

xxxx

"Have you guys heard from Spencer today?" We were sitting at the bench eating lunch.

I looked from Kyla, to Aiden, to Madison and they all shook their heads saying no. I hated that I haven't heard anything from here. It was really starting to bother me.

"Did you guys have a fight Ash?" Madison asked me. I still roarmed my eyes all over the campus hoping that I would see her somewhere but no Spencer.

"No. But something did happen on Friday." I put my head down and continued to play with the ring on my finger.

"What did you?" I looked up at Ky and I hated that she would think that I was the reason for something happening with us.

"Why do you think that it's always my fault?"

"Because it usually is." I glared at her but I knew that she was right. Everything is always my fault and I knew what happened was my fault.

"I didn't know that my therapist is Spencers dad." Everyone had their eyes on me trying to focus on what I was saying.

"Of course I talk about everything with him and then I came out and told him who my girlfriend is. At first he looked at me all weird. I told him he knew her because she was a client to. Of course me being the stupid one he told me that she was his daughter not client."

"You outted your own girlfriend out to her dad!" Aiden spoke up. Gees could he be any louder.

"I didn't mean to. I didn't even know they were related let alone her freakin dad. So she came out of his office crying and we went back to the house for a little bit but then her mom called. She was yelling on the phone and she had to leave. I haven't seen her since then. Her phone is turned off and I haven't had a chance to talk to Glen or Clay. I seriously have no idea what to do. I miss her you guys."

"There's Glen now." Aiden pointed behind me and I turned around really quick. He was walking towards the lockers.

"Be right back."

I ran over to the lockers looking for him and I saw him talking to one of the cheerleaders. Like he always does.

"Glen can I talk to you please?" Glen turned around and the cheerleader gave me a dirty look. Damn I hate barbies.

"ALONE!" I pointed out as I looked at the girl when I said it. She got the point and walked away.

"Damn Ashley. I was just about to get her number." He's so predictible.

"Sorry but this is more important. What's going on with Spencer? Why isn't she at school?"

Glen looked from the ground to the locker and I knew he was keeping something from me.

"Please Glen tell me what's going on."

"My parents don't want her to see you anymore. They are talking about taking her out of the school."

My heart sunk when he said that.

"Is she home?" I asked him.

"Ashley don't even think about it. If my parents find out they will have a cow."

"Glen I have to see her. I have to talk to her."

Glen looked at me as if he shouldn't tell me this but he gave in.

"You have an hour from now before Dad comes home on lunch break. You better make it fast." I got a big grin on my face and kissed him on the cheek before running to get Kyla to take me over there.

"Thank you." I screamed over my shoulders as I making my way back to where everyone is.

"Ky can you give me a ride?" I asked her as I was grabbing my stuff.

"What? Where to?"

"Spencers. I need to talk to her. Please Ky!" It took her a second but she agreed.

xxxx

"What did Glen say?"

We were sitting in the car heading over to Spencers and I kept on thinking about her leaving the our house with a smile on her face. Damn I miss her so much.

"Her parents don't want her with me." I said it with a pain in my heart and I hated it.

"I'm sorry Ash." Ky was trying to be there for me and I really appreciated it.

"Yeah."

Not more then 5 minutes later we were outside her house.

"Do you want me to wait?" I shook my head no because I knew that I would need a good walk home after this. I have a weird feeling in my stomach right now.

"I'll just catch you back home later." I told her as I got out of the car. I stood there while Kyla drove away and I took a deep breathe and walked up to the door.

_Ding Dong_

She opened the door and I wanted so much to run into her arms but I didn't know what to expect from her. Her eyes went wide when she saw me standing there. I'm guessing she wasn't expecting to see me at the door.

"Ashley what are you doing here?" Wow I wasn't expecting that type of greeting.

"I had to see you. I haven't heard from you all weekend and you don't return my phone calls. Did you expect me to forget you or something?" I was starting to feel very unwanted.

"You shouldn't be here. My dad is suppose to be here-" I cut her off.

"In a hour." She paused and thought she could tell me something else.

"Glen told me that I would have some time to talk." She looked to the floor and not once did I see a smile on her face and I was really looking forward to seeing her smile at me. I missed her.

"Can we talk? Please." She looked at me and then shook her head yes. She opened the door for me and I walked right in. As soon as she locked the front door I followed her to the living room. I took the seat next to her wishing that I could hold her in my arms right at that moment.

"What's going on Spencer? Why won't you look at me?" She has yet to look me in the eye and it was bugging me completely. It was quiet for a long while until she finally said something to me.

"Why did you lie to me?" What was she talking about?

"What? When did I lie to you?"

"When you told me that you loved me." My mouth was opened and my eyes dropped to my hands. I started to play with Danis ring.

"Spence." I started to say but Spencer was already to her feet.

"I know you don't love me. My dad told me about what you told him about me." That stuff was suppose to me private. Those were my thoughts and feelings.

How could he tell her that stuff?

"Why are you quiet for Ashley?" I didn't know what to say. I was just slapped in the face and I was trying to control my thoughts.

"That night you stayed with me I was dreaming that I was telling Dani that I loved her. I must of been talking in my sleep because you thought that I was telling you that I loved you. So when I heard you say that you loved me it took me back that you actually felt that strong about me."

"Of course Ashley! I mean what I say, unlike you."

"I'm sorry that I made you think I was talking to you when I said those words. I didn't want to hurt you by not saying them."

"If you didn't mean it then why did you keep on saying the words to me? Why did you have to keep on making me think that you really loved me?" I scooted closer to her taking her hand into mine but she moved away from me.

"Spencer you mean a lot to me. When I was telling your father that stuff because I know that's where you heard this from I wasn't sure about alot of things in my life. With you being away from me for so long I've realized that I don't want to be without you." The silence grew longer with the both of us.

"Please believe me. I didn't mean to hurt you." Spencer looked up to me and I could feel the tears that wanted to escape from my eyes. I screwed this all up and I hated myself for it.

"You better get going. My dad is going to be here soon."

"I don't care about your dad Spencer. I care about you."

"They don't want me to see you anymore."She finally told me what I was afraid of.

"What do you want?"

Silence.

"Spence."

Silence.

"I don't know what I want Ash." I stood to my feet and I was mad.

"You know Spencer! You say that you love me. You say that you will be there for me. You tell me that I can count on you. Why do I feel like I don't have my bestfriend anymore." Yes she's my bestfriend.

"I'm your bestfriend?" She looked at me as if she was unsure of believeing anything that I said to her.

"Yes, and I love you."

"STOP IT! You don't love me!" She was to her feet now and I went towards her taking her face into my hands.

"I. Love. You." A tear rolled down my face and all of this was making me so emotional. Spencer tried to get out of my grip but I didn't let her move away from me.

"Tell me you don't love me Spencer. Tell me that you don't think about me at night when you sleep. If you don't then I'll leave you alone." I looked directly at her eyes and then down to her mouth. I could see her eyes doing the same thing as we stood there not even inches away from eachothers bodies.

So without even a word from her I make my way towards her mouth barely even touching her lips when she whispered out for me to hear.

"I love you Ashley." I closed my eyes and I closed the gap. Her lips were so soft that it made me shiver all down my spine. I leaned her up against the wall as I placed my hands on her hips trying to figure out my boundaries with her. I played with the bottom of her shirt with my hand feeling her soft skin against my hand. As soon as I placed my hand on her stomach I felt her shiver to my touch. I smiled into the kiss as she pulled me even closer to her body if that was even possible.

After what seemed like seven minutes in heaven I moved back to gain some oxygen into my brain. I swear this girl did so many wonderful things to me.

"I better go before your dad comes home." Spencer tugged onto my shirt not wanting me to leave.

"Don't leave. Not yet." She placed tiny kisses along my neck and I was standing there wrapped into her arms loving every second.

"I don't either but I don't want your dad to find me here." Spencer wimpered and it just made me smile from ear to ear. She was so beautiful.

"When am I going to see you again?" We both stood there and I didn't know what to tell her. Her parents did want me near her and I didn't want to be without her.

"I don't know. Keep your phone on and I'll get back to you ok." I kissed her one last time before I made my way out of the house before I was caught.

I was just about to walk out of the door when she pulled me back to her and kissed hard.

"Mmmm." I said as I felt her tongue do some amazing things to me.

"I bet you don't want to leave now." Spencer gave me a devilish smile and I knew that I had to go because she was going to be the death of me.

"Not even but I know I have to. I'll call you later." I kissed her cheeks and then started to leave the house.

"I love you." I heard her words behind me and I turned around and I signed 'I love you' to her. Spencers smile stayed with me for the rest of the day.

I knew that I had messed up with lying to her about about those three little words but I didn't want to do it again. She means the world to me and to be without her would kill me. She has gotten me to smile when I thought I wouldn't be able to smile again. She made me believe that I had something to live for. She loves me for me.

I can't live without her. I won't live without her.

How was I going to figure out a way to be with her?

(A/N: Hey you guys...what did you think? Something interesting is coming up...so please stay calm and you will get it soon. Hahaha...well hopefully you guys liked the filler...I'll try to get one up tomorrow! If everything works out with work and stuff!! Well like always ...Leave The Love!! :-)


	12. Chapter 12

Alright well there was a confusion on the last chpt and I'm sorry for that...Ashley is finally meaning every word that she says to Spencer now!! Shes finally realised that she does love Spencer!! Sry for the confusion and I hope that things are more clear now.

My writing has been kind of out of it lately so please forgive me.

Well you guys hopefully this chpt is alil better!

Enjoy.

**Moments Lost **

Sleep never came for me that night. Instead I laid there on my bed thinking of Spencer. Obviously her parents didn't like me much so how was I even going to attempt to change their minds about me.

_"Ash what are we going to do?" _

_Spencer called me that night like she had promised she would do. I was so happy to hear her voice when I answered the phone. _

_"I know that I didn't give your dad good impressions on me but what about your mother. Why does she hate me?" _

_"Ash she doesn't want her daughter to be gay. She hates the fact that I said that I was in love with you. She thinks that I can be fixed some way or another. Tomorrow she has the priest coming to talk to me." _

_Wow didn't see that one coming. Her mom must be really religious. _

_I sat there on the other line thinking of everything that was happening with us and it was all so crazy. I love their daughter. I want to be there for her. Why would they think that was a bad thing? _

_"I think that they are afraid Ash. I think that they think that I'm going to get hurt in some way. My dad told my mom about Dani." I closed my eyes shut and tried to block out the past. I didn't need it and right now with us she didn't deserve to have to replay my faults. _

_"I can't take back what happened with Dani Spencer but I know that I have changed since I've gotten here and I have you to thank for it. You can believe what you want Spencer but I know that I think this is the happest I've been since everything happened." _

_"I'm not going back Ashley. You're stuck with me." I smiled at her comment and I could hear the smile through the phone. _

_"And I wouldn't have it any other way." _

_"So when can I see you again?" Spencer asked me as I was looking at the single picture that I had of Spencer. I didn't have any of us and I was really feeling bad that we never got a chance to take any. That's definitely on my list of things to do. _

_"Are your parents going to be home tomorrow morning or afternoon?" I would skip school just to be with her. _

_"My mom has the day off because of the meeting I have with the priest. Maybe I can tell them that I'm going to meet Madison at the movies. I think they would believe that." _

_Ugh I hated this shit of sneeking around. Maybe I should just talk to her dad. _

_"I think I'm going to talk to your dad Spence." _

_"What? Why? He's already told me that he doesn't want to see you." _

_"I can't keep on letting him think that I don't care about you or even love you. He thinks that he knows me through the sessions that we had but he doesn't know the real me. He doesn't know how much I care about you Spence. I have to at least try." _

_This hurt so much for being judged for something that you did in your past when your not that person anymore. Besides it's not like I wanted to kill my girlfriend. I would of rather died in that accident then let her have to suffer for my stupid actions. _

_"Babe." I must of been quiet. _

_"Hmm." _

_"Are you ok?" _

_"Yeah. Sorry just thinking." _

_I closed my eyes wanting for all of this to go away but I knew that was never going to happen so easily. _

_"Go to sleep and hopefully I'll be able to see you tomorrow." _

_"Ok. Goodnight Spence." _

_"Goodnight Ashley." _

2:49 A.M.

That conversation happened over three hours ago and I'm still laying here racking my brain with everything.

Please just let sleep come.

xxxx

"Dr. Carlin." I actually got the nerve to go up to his office to speak with him.

He turned around to look at me and if looks could kill then Spencer would be heading to my funeral in about a week.

"Ashley you are no longer my patient. I can get Stacy to give you a number for another therapist."

"So he can spread my issues around like you did. No thank you. I just came to talk about Spencer."

"Ashley I don't want you anywhere near my daughter. There we've talked now you can leave." He was being so stubborn that it was pissing me off.

"I could careless what you think about me but all I do know is that I love your daughter and she loves me. Neither you or your wife is going to change that."

I turned around and started walking out the door and he yelled out, 'stay away from her Ashley'. Of course all I could do is throw up my middle finger and slam the door when he was still talking.

I'm a nice person when I want to be but when you piss me off and don't listen to a freaking word that I just said then SCREW YOU. I love her and I didn't care who knew or who was in the way because we were going to be together.

xxxx

"She won't let me out of the house Ash." I swear this was nothing but bullshit now. Why the hell couldn't she have parents like Dani? They loved me and would do anything for me. But here we have Hitler and his wife who hated my guts.

I sat there a little bit longer on the couch bringing my legs up to my chest.

"Let's run away!" I just randomly spitted it out when I was thinking it.

"What!" I guess I caught her off guard as well.

"Let's go Spence. Your parents won't let us see eachother. They hate me and I don't think that they are going to change their minds anytime soon. Come with me. We can finally be together."

The more I thought about it the more I loved the idea. We would be able to be together and not have to worry about people telling us what to do.

Spencer sat on the phone for a couple of seconds thinking about it and it was killing me that she had to think about it this long.

"So where are we going to go first?"

YES!

I was so glad to hear her say that. I was grinning like a fool and I loved it.

"Where ever you want to go babe. The sky is the limit and don't even worry about cash. My trustfund kicked in from Grandma Davies when I turned 18."

"Haha. Im not broke Ashley. I have money to."

"Sounds good then we got enough to get the hell out of here. Do you think you can drive? I'm not really allowed to drive for some time." My voice got lower with the mention of driving at all and I knew Spencer understood what I was trying to say.

"That sounds good to me. I'll start packing up my things and tonight when my parents go to sleep I'll pick you up. Sound good?"

I sat there thinking of it all and it did sound great. I just needed to make sure that this is really what Spencer wants to do.

"Are you sure you want to do this Spence? I don't want to make you feel like you have to run away. I know your family is important and I would never want to take you away from them at all. Just know that I want to be with you."

"Ashley I want to do this. Your right my parents wont budge an inch and we both know it. I love you to much to let this go. I don't want to lose you."

Her last words clarified everything for me.

"I love you too Spence. So tonight it is. I'll see you then."

"Ok. See you then."

xxxx

Spencer and I are going to run away together.

Wow can you say crazy.

Nah, not really. I think not being with Spencer would be crazy. I don't ever want that to happen, so if it meant that we had to run away then I will jump on the opportunity with no hesitation.

8:24 P.M.

I've been sitting in this room looking around at everything that I need to take with me. I've pretty much packed most of the clothes and the main things that I would need so now all I was doing is making sure that I wasn't leaving something behind that I would need. If anything I could just buy it when we made our stops on the road.

With every passing minute I grew impatient with not being with Spencer. We are going to be together and there was not going to be anyone who could stop us.

This is going to be an experience to remember.

xxxx

It was coming close to the time that Spencer was suppose to pick me up and I went downstairs to see if Kyla was home. As soon as I stepped into the living room I saw them both there. She was laying there with Aiden holding her tight as they watched a movie. They looked so cute together.

"Hey Ash. Is everything ok?" Kyla asked me when she saw me walk into the living room.

"Yeah everything's going to be ok." Kyla looked at me weird and right before I walked away from the love birds I heard her speak out.

"I love you Ash." I stopped and turned around to her.

"I love you too Ky." I walked over to my bags that I set in the kitchen so Kyla wouldn't see them. I made my way out on the front pourch and sat there waiting for my love to come and sweep me off my feet.

xxxx

12:47 A.M.

I looked at the time and I waited unpatiently for Spencer.

Then I saw it. I saw her VW park in front of the house and she got out to greet me. More like she got out and ran into my arms.

I squeezed her tight against my body loving her touch. I felt her heart beating a mile a minute with so much excitement running through our bodies. We're going to do this.

"God I missed you so much Ash. I was dying without being able to touch you or kiss you." With that last comment I released her from my arms and I placed my hands on her cheeks and I kissed her so passionately. The feel of her lips on mine sent shivers down my spine making me lose control of the situation but I knew that we had to get on the road. But if it was my choice I would not stop for a second.

"We better go. We have to get some miles away from this place." Spencer smiled at me and she helped me grab my bags and shuved them into the trunk of her VW. We both slid into the seats and I looked back at the house and there stood Kyla at the window. My heart was pushed back and here I was leaving me sister behind but I knew she understood. Kyla was not a stupid women, she knew when I wanted to do something then I would. I brought my hand up to the window and made a hand gesture telling her that I loved her with my fingers. Kyla brought her hand up to her bedroom window and did the same thing.

We drove away with me stairing at the house as I felt her slide her hand into mine making me lose concentration and brought it back to hers.

"Everything's going to be ok Ash."

"I know." I said as I smiled back at her and kissed the back of her hand as we sat there holding hands and driving away with the moon beaming down on us as we made our way out of LA.

(A/N: So what did you think? Sorry it took so long but like I said up top...my writing is starting to bother me...but you know thats just me being hard on myself...anways I really hope u enjoyed it all...im coming up with the next chpt as they are on the road!! Well like always...leave the love!)


	13. Chapter 13

Hey hey hey!! So a very long weekend and its weird to say but I'm kind of glad that the week is here because I have time to write hahaha even though I'm at work!! Anyways here's your next chpt...thank you all for ur reviews and ur love...it's much appreciated!!

Enjoy!

**Moments Lost **

We've been on the road for the last two hours and I wanted to stop because Spencer was looking really tired but I at least wanted to get some distance away from LA before anything.

"Are you doing ok?" I asked her as I looked over at her.

"Yeah I'm ok. How are you doing?" I grabbed a hold of her hand and laced our fingers together.

"I'm doing great. You know we can probably stop here soon because I can tell your getting tired."

Right then she yawned and I caught her red handed. She couldn't deny it now. She smiled big at me and then brought her eyes back to the road.

"I'll be good for a while. Don't worry I'm ok." I turned up the music so we had something to listen to while we were on the road. I didn't want anything to happen on the trip. So I was going to stay up with her until we made it to a place where we could rest for the night.

xxxx

Some time had past and we just went by Victorville. I would look over at Spencer and try to convince her to pull over at a hotel but she kept on driving.

"The next city that we come to we are going to stop ok."

"Alright."

It was long after the long ride of nothing but desert we made it to Barstow, California. This should be interesting.

"Look there's a hotel." I pointed to the Holiday Inn off the Interstate. I was so ready to sleep. I could feel my body wanting to fall asleep when we were driving but I didn't want to have Spencer be alone while we were on the road.

As we pulled up into the parking lot we both got out of the car and stretched our bodies out. I looked over at Spencer and there she was looking as beautiful as could be. Without so much as a gesture I walked over to her side and I wrapped my arms around her body bringing her close to me.

"I'm so glad that we are finally together Spence."

Spencer placed small kisses on my neck and I was loving everyone of them from her.

"Me too." She whispered out as she continued to kiss my neck.

"We better get a room Spencer because I don't think people want to wake up to see us out here making out." Spencer cracked a smile against my skin and she backed away from me.

"Yeah I guess your right even though I don't care what people think about us. I love you and that is all that matters to me. But your right we better get a room." I smiled at her with a crinkle in my nose as she gave me that adorable look my way.

I grabbed a couple of our bags to get some stuff out of it and then we headed up to the front of the hotel. The hotel looked good which I was happy about because I was not about to stay in a run down place. We both deserved so much more than that.

"Yes Ladies how may I help you." The front guy asked us as we set our bags down at the desk.

"Yeah we would like a room please. Just for the day."

"Ok. Will that be one bed or two?"

"One bed please." Spencer shot out first before I could say the answer. I started to laugh at her as the guy eyed us back and forth as he continued to get us a room.

"Ok that will be 79.99 for the night. How will you be paying for that?" I pulled out my purse and I handed him a hundred dollar bill. I had pulled out some money before we even left so I wouldn't have to use my card until I needed to.

"Here are your keys and you will be in room 127. Please enjoy your stay."

"Thank you." Spencer and I both told him as we grabbed our bags and made our way to our room.

xxxx

I was laying on the bed almost about to pass out when Spencer comes jumping on the bed. I really thought she was tired but I guess I was wrong.

"Spencer what are you doing?" Spencer continued to jump like she a little kid having the time of her life. If you saw how she looked you would think that she was the cutest thing you have ever seen. I couldn't take my eyes off of her as she smiled at me. I grabbed her leg and she came crashing down on the bed next to me. I moved myself over with one hand resting on her stomach.

Spencer laid there catching her breathe as I moved a strand of her hair to the side so I could see her face more better. We laid there looking at one another not saying a word. It was as if we could read eachothers minds.

"Ash." I was kicked out of my stairing mode.

"Hmm."

"Are you ever going to kiss me?" I smiled at her and laughed underneathe my breathe. I leaned down and granted her wish. I closed my eyes and took her lips into mine as I kissed her softly. I didn't rush anything. I didn't want to ruin something that was suppose to be so special.

"Ash." She spoke in between kisses as I just continued to kiss down her neck.

"Hmm." I said as I worked on her pulse point. She let out a moan and I knew I hit a nerve. I smiled against her skin as I loved the touch of her hands that were roaming up and down my body.

"Ash." I stopped. I laid with my head in the side of her neck taking a breather. Gees it must be important to interrupt this moment we were having.

I rolled over to my side and she went to her side to look directly at me.

"I'm sorry." She said to me as I gave her a small smile.

"It's ok. What's on your mind?" I grabbed her hand and laced our fingers.

"When was your first time?" Wow. I started moving a little on the bed and then figured I should just sit up.

"It's fine if you don't want to tell me. I didn't mean to spoil the mood." Kind of to late for that now.

I sat there looking down at my hand looking at Danis ring. I know that I should of put it away but there was something that told me that I couldn't get rid of it just yet. I know that I'm moving on with my life but I don't want to forget her. The ring keeps me still with her. I know that's bad. I should be focusing everything on Spencer right now. She's the one I love, the one that I don't want to be with out.

"I was a Sophmore the first time I was ever with someone. His name was Josh. Dani never liked him but there was something about him that I was connected to. We started to go out and not shortly after that I gave it up to him at a party. It wasn't exactly what I had hoped for. Josh pretty much used me that night and I was devasted. Dani was mad at me that I had even slept with him. She told me that he was just going to use me but I didn't want to believe that. I thought Josh was special, but I was wrong and Dani made sure I knew that."

I looked over at Spencer as she had her knees up to her chest listening to ever word that I was telling her. So I went on with the story. For some reason I think she wanted to know about Dani.

"It was the end of my Sophmore year when I came out to my parents. Dani was there for me through the whole thing and I was so glad to have her there for me. The very first time she kissed me was in her backyard as we were playing with her dogs. We had just spent the day together and I was going to leave when she grabbed my hand and told me not to go. The touch of her skin made me have goosebumps up and down my arm. She came to me and kissed me as I stood there shocked that she had just took my breathe away. We were bestfriends but I didn't think that she had liked me like that. All this time she had feelings for me but she wanted to make sure that I was ok with everything before she even attempted anything with me. It wasn't long after that she asked me out and I was so happy to be with her. On our six month anniversary I was surprized with a room filled with candles and roses all over my bed. I don't need to go into detail about that night but she showed me what making love felt like." Spencer had tears in her eyes and I thought I would be the one in tears.

I grabbed a hold of her hand.

"I'm sorry Spencer I shouldn't have told you the story."

"No Ashley. I'm glad that you did. Dani was a big part of your life and I want to know everything about you. I want to know everything that Dani did and more. When I first saw you that day you came home from the airport I saw so much hurt on your face that it broke my heart to see you like that. Yeah I know that I didn't know you but there was still something that had me drawn to you. Something that made me want to know everything about you. I would take away all your hurt and pain if I could Ashley."

"Spencer you've done so much for me already. You stuck by me when I wanted to forget the world and hide my self away from everyone around me. You made me smile again." I took her face into my hands as we sat there in front of eachother.

"To be honest with you I would of probably been dead if it wasn't for you. I was such in a bad state that I wanted to end all of the pain that I was feeling at the moment. I wanted to be with Dani and nobody else mattered to me. Until you happened. So you did save me Spencer. You did." I whipped away the tears that were coming down her face.

Spencer took my hands into hers and then she leaned over towards me and kissed me. I laid myself back down on the bed and she was now the one in charge. Let's just say that I was not complaining about that one bit.

xxxx

Spencer and I could of easliy made love that night but we didn't. Instead we slept in eachother arms and that was everything to me. I know that we will have our moment and it will be a wonderful moment for the both of us. I love that girl so much that I would wait for her until we were both content on the situation at hand.

We ran away to be together and even though we were happy I still felt bad for taking her away from her home. From her parents and family. I didn't say anything to Spencer because I didn't want to ruin this time that we have together. Who knows if her parent will ever accept me. All I know is that I was not going to give her up without a fight that's for sure.

xxxx

2:36 P.M.

Spencer was curled up next to my body as she had her leg over my own leg. I've been up for the past hour enjoying waking up next to her. I didn't want to wake her up but I knew that we should get on the road soon.

"Spence." I whispered in her ear trying to get her to wake up.

"Spencer." I spoke again. This time I nudged her.

"Ughhh! I don't want to wake up." Spencer moved from her position and then rolled over to the other side of the bed.

"We have to get going Spence."

"No."

"No?" Did she just 'No' me? So what did I do. I got up on the bed and I started to jump up and down.

"ASHLEY!" Hahaha. I knew that would get her up.

"Yes my dear." I told her when I stopped jumping like the big kid that I was.

"Nothing." Spencer jumped up off the bed and ran to the bathroom shutting it right behind her.

"Hey! I was going to get into the shower first." Spencer pops her head out of the door to look at me.

"I can't help it that you are so slow." She smiled at me and I shook my head as I made it over to the dresser to turn on my phone and see if there was any messages from Kyla.

3 Missed Voicemails.

Hmm aren't I the popular one today.

_"Ashley you have some trouble back here. Spencers parents are looking all over for her and they said that they are going to go to the police. They apparently know that you have something to do with it. I don't know Ashley this isn't looking so great. I'm not saying anything if your worried about that. I just said that I haven't seen you. Be safe ok. I love you both. Bye." _

Aww man this was not turning out as I hoped for. Spencer better hurry up so we can both get ready to get out of her.

_"Ashley this is your mother. Where are you young lady? I just got a phone call from a Dr. Carlin saying that you know where his daughter is and if you don't bring her back home that he will get the cops after you. What have you got yourself into this time? You better get your ass home as soon as possible. Do you understand me?" _

Yep not good at all.

_"Ashley this is Dr. Carlin. I know you are with my daughter. I will not get the police involved with this if you bring her back home now. If not than I have no other choice but to get the police involved. You have 24 hours. I better hear from you." _

This is where I start panicing.

"Spencer hurry up!" I banged on the bathroom door as I went to go sit on the bed and wait for her.

Five minutes passed and she finally came out of the bathroom.

"Gees Ashley I wasn't even in there that long. What's your problem?"

I stood to my feet and gave her my cell phone to listen to the messages. With each message she heard her eyes got wider and I got freaked out.

"I need to take a shower." I grabbed my things and made my way into the shower.

You know if I was in another place and another time I so would of took advantage of the fact that Spencer was just standing in the room with nothing but a towel on. Damn.

The shower was great and when I got out I was a little more calmed then when I got in there. Now we had to leave and get as far as we could from California.

I stepped out of the room and Spencer was already packed and all but one of my bags were packed as well. I finished getting my clothes on when Spencer finally says something.

"We need to go back."

Hearing those words from her killed me.

(A/N: Hahaha. So what did you think? Was it ok? Did you like it? Well leave the love...and I will have the next one up soon!! Thx again!!)


	14. Chapter 14

Soooo heres the next one for you guys!! Thanks for the reviews...u guys are great!! It makes me jump for joy...Yay(Jumping in the air and clacking her shoes together)! Hahaha sorry jus alittle wild right now...well ill start the story now because I'm sure thats all you want to read hahaha!

Oh and sorry for the grammer errors...grammer is my worst part of writing and even though i go over my writing I know I'm still missing things so forgive me for my mistakes! Oh and thank you on the peeps who catch me on my stuff...much appreciated!!

Enjoy!

**Moments Lost **

"We need to go back."

Hearing those words from her killed me.

I paused and thought maybe I heard her wrong.

"What?"

"I don't want you to get into trouble Ashley. If we go back now my father said that he wouldn't do anything to you."

Yep I heard her right. I was mad.

"Yes he will! He won't let me be with you. If we go back Spencer we will not be together and you know that."

Spencer was silent and she looked over at me.

"Is that what you want? For us not to be together?"

"Nooo. Ashley don't even think that." Spencer was standing in front of me holding my face in her hands.

"I just don't want anything to happen to you. That's all."

"I don't care if I get into trouble. As long as I get to be with you then I'm fine." She wrapped her arms around my neck and rested her head on my shoulders. Even though we weren't home her parents were still causing us problems and it wasn't fare at all.

"We should get going." I told her as she unwrapped her arms from around my neck. I put the rest of my things in my bag and then carried our things down the stairs. Spencer followed right behind me with the rest of the bags as we made our way to the front desk to drop off our keys.

As soon as we were in the car we both sat there silent and I knew that Spencer was thinking about going back home.

"You know you can do what ever you want to do Spencer." I looked out the window away from her. I wasn't going to force her to be with me.

"Hey." I didn't look at her.

"Look at me please." I gave in and turned my head towards her.

"I want to be with you. Ok." I shook my head ok and then Spencer started up the car and we were back on the road.

xxxx

We got back onto Interstate 15 and started towards Vegas. Whether or not we were going to stop there was still up in the air. I didn't want to stop that close to California when I knew that we only had a little time until Spencers family was going to have the cops after us. I'm sure that they were going to be looking for Spencers car when they report us gone. What they were going to say was beyond me. For all I know Dr. Carlin would spread nothing but lies about me and probably come out and say that I kidnapped his daughter. I would not put it passed him.

xxxx

7:35 P.M.

We stopped in Vegas but only for some gas and food. I was starving and I haven't eatten since yesterday.

Everything was so bright and shiny everywhere we looked. Spencer didn't want to stay here but I wanted to stay for a short time.

"Come on Spence. Let's stay for an hour and just walk around. We don't have to do anything."

"Ashley we can't do anything here. We aren't old enough."

"That hasn't stopped me before." I gave her a smirk but she wasn't having it.

She stood there out of the gas station against the car with her arms crossing her chest. I walked over to her side and I stood in front of her.

"We are suppose to have fun on this trip Spencer. I want to try all these things, but I don't want to do them without you right there beside me." Spencers frown turned into a small smile and I knew that I would get to her.

I placed my hands on her hips and I leaned myself against her.

"So are we going to explore?"

"Yeah we can explore." I smiled and then kissed her. She's so cute.

Spencer and I parked the car at a store on the strip and then we made our way searching for something fun to do. I really didn't care about what we did as long as we had fun doing it.

I grabbed my Digital out from my back pocket and when Spencer wasn't looking I snapped some pictures of her. I had always loved taken random shots. It made it more interesting when you went back to look at them all. Remembering the moment and the time we were together.

Spencer looked at everything around us with wide eyes and I knew that we had made a good choice to stay. She looked happy and that made me ten times as happy to see her beautiful smile.

"What are you smiling at?" I was standing there as we were walking up to the Eiffle Tower. Even though it wasn't the real one didn't make it anyless beautiful.

"Nothing. You make me smile that's all." I know it was cheesy but this girl does some amazing things to me. Spencer comes up to me grabs the camera and starts taking pictures of me.

"Smile Ashley."

"Come on Spencer. I'm not much of a photo person."

"You took pictures of me so I'm going to take some pictures of you now."

I gave her my cheesy smile and she kept on taking the pictures.

"Let's take a few together." Spencer walked over to me and we brought our face together and I reached in front of us and snapped the camera. The next photo I took was of me kissing Spencers cheek as she smiled big at the camera. Man I can look at the picture for hours and not get bored.

For the next hour we took pictures everywhere we went and I loved all the time that we were there. Spencer made this all worth wild to be with her.

"I love you. You know that right?" I asked her when we were walking along the strip.

Her gaze went to mine and she gave me a smile.

"I know Ashley. I love you too."

xxxx

12:37 A.M.

We grabbed some food at a fastfood place and then headed back to the car. I wanted to lie my head on something. As soon as we got to the car I got in and set my food down and laid back in my seat.

"Are you tired?" Spencer asked me as we sat in the car after that long walk down the strip checking everything out.

"Uh huh." I said with my eyes closed but I could feel her eyes on me.

"Do you want to find a hotel?" The thought had crossed my mind when we were walking but I didn't really feel like getting a hotel room here.

I opened up my eyes and looked at her.

"I don't know. Did you want to get a room here?"

Spencer was looking around at all the places.

"We don't have to if you don't want to."

"I kind of just want to keep going you know." Spencer looked directly at me and knew what I was talking about.

"Yeah I understand. I'm not really tired right now anyways so we can just drive. Go to sleep." I sat up from the seat and I opened my eyes fully.

"No its ok. I'm up."

"Ash you're tired. Just get some sleep. I will be fine."

"I'm good."

"Why are you so stubborn?" I smiled at her and she just shook her head at me.

"You know you love me for all my flaws."

"I'm starting to rethink that." My mouth dropped and she looked towards me.

"Don't act like you're hurt."

"Yeah I know. I can never be mad at you."

"Yep that's what I thought." I shuved Spencer against the car door and she looked at me and shuved me back.

"Oh you want some of this."

"Oh no baby I want it all." I told her as I moved over to her side of the car. I cuped her chin with my hand and kissed her hard and long. The hunger was there but it wasn't for food. I worked my way down her neck enjoying the sounds that were coming from Spencer mouth. All these emotions and feelings that were running through my body were wanting to be let out but this was not the time nor the place. I slowly moved away from her and went over to my side.

"I'm sorry." I told her as I grabbed my food from the floor.

"Don't be, because I'm not." We both shared a smile and Spencer made her way out of town. Goodbye bright lights, hello darkness.

(A/N: Yeah the ending there sucked big time but I couldn't think of what to put there and it was bugging me big time hahaha. But anyways theres your chpt tell me what you thought...I'm trying to come up with what is going to happen next and its still a blank but I want it to be good just please bare with me on everything!! Thx again for reading!!)


	15. Chapter 15

So I've been on the war path on trying to come up with what is going to be on this next chpt and I am kind of going crazy with it all. SO like I said before please bare with me and my off the wall mind! Haha.

Once again thank you for your responces and reviews...it makes me SMILE!!

Sry you guys no time to edit...forgive me please!!

Enjoy!

**Moments Lost **

3:45 A.M.

Have you ever driven through a state that was plane desert?

I don't recommend it because we were literally bored out of our minds. So many times I caught myself falling asleep but I would quickly wake up and look over at Spencer driving.

"Is something wrong?" She asked me as she looked at me all weird.

"No. I'm just-"

"Falling asleep." She laughed under her breathe.

"Kind of."

"Then go to sleep. You don't have to watch me Ashley. I'm a big girl."

I know she's a big girl, but I wanted to take care of her and I knew that staying awake with her would make me feel better. I continued to sit there listening to the only random channel that they actually work over here in the desert and Spencer was the only thing that was keeping me entertained.

"I've been thinking..."

"Uh Oh." Spencer started laughing at her own joke and it was hilarious just to see that she had made herself crack up.

"Anyways smart one. I was thinking that maybe we should fly somewhere."

"Where exactly are we going anyways Ashley? You know I made my way onto the road but I didn't really know if we had a destination to get to. Are we heading somewhere that you want to go to."

It was silent for a second because I had been thinking about this one place for awhile now. I just hope that Spencer doesn't mind visiting the place.

"I want to go home." I told her as I looked directly at her. Spencer caught my eye and I knew that she was wondering what I meant by going home. Obviously I didn't think LA was home to me but more like Boston was.

"You want to go to Boston huh?" She said a little hesitant about the subject.

"It's been on my mind but I didn't know exactly if you would want to go there."

It was Spencers turn to be quiet now. I knew that I had put this big thing in front of her and she was thinking about it all.

"Are you sure that you should go back after everything that happened? Not saying that I mind going over there because I would love to see your home town. But with everything that happened with Dani I don't want you to lose what progress of healing you have made in LA."

I knew exactly what she meant. I was a mess when I left Boston and it took me forever to get to the place that I am now with everyone around me. I just know that I have unfinished business there and I also want to show Spencer my home town.

Spencer speeded up as she drove and I still haven't answered her. I know that there is a part of Spencer that wants me to stop talking about Dani. Everytime I think of something or do something it brings me back to Dani and I know that I shouldn't feel bad about it but I do. Spencer doesn't need me to repeat my past to her or keep on going over how my life was before everything happened.

"Im sorry." I blurted out. Spencer glanced at me and then back at the road.

"Why are you sorry Ashley?"

"For not leaving the past in the past. You've put up with so much from me that it's not fare. I don't want you to think that I can't move on because I can. I think that if I go back there then I will be able to say goodbye and leave it behind me. I want to spend my life with you Spencer and the only way I can do that is if I say goodbye."

Spencer still hasn't said anything but she did pull over on the side of the road and parked the car there with the hazard lights on.

"You ok?" I asked her as I was confused on what she was doing. Spencer turned to look at me and I could see the gloss in her eyes and I had started it.

"You want to spend your life with me?" She finally let out with so much love in her voice and I smiled at her. A single tear started to make its way down her cheek that made me reach over and whip it away with my thumb as I placed my hand on her cheek. I love her so much.

"Is it to soon to say it? Because all I know is that I love you and I know that it's soon but I just have this feeling in the bottom of my stomach that's telling me that I want to spend my life with you. You make me so happy and when I woke up next to you this morning I knew right there and then that I want to wake up to you every morning for the rest of my life."

I was babbling on and on trying to calm myself down because I thought that I had said something wrong and I didn't want Spencer to seperate herself from me. Instead Spencer did the one thing that she could do to shut me up and I was thankful for it. She kissed me. She leaned over the seat and she kissed me. Of course I didn't deny that one bit. In fact I invited it. I grabbed a hold of her sides and I pulled her closer to me as she straddling me.

Spencers hands were around my neck as I had my hands placed on her waist loving the feel of her so close to me made me want her even more.

You know that whole thing about waiting until we were in a perfect place and time. Well this is the time and right now this is as good as place as any. I swear I have wanted Spencer since the first time I laid eyes on her but I just didn't know it then. Now it's all clear to me and I couldn't want anything more then to make love to her.

"Mhmmm." I heard moaning coming from Spencer as I was working on her neck. Not long after that our shirts were off and I was enjoying this so much. Every touch. Every kiss. Every bite. It was literally taking me over the edge as Spencer kissed me with so much passion and need in feeling me in some way.

"I want you Ashley." Spencer whispered in my ear as she nibbled on my bottom ear lobe. Talk about turning someone on. I let out a soft moan.

"I want...you too...Spence." I swear my breathing was out of control with my heart racing a mile a minute. She did some crazy things to me.

I could feel Spencer hand making it's way down to the place that I wanted it the most when I hear a tapping. I didn't stop what I was doing because lets just face it you wouldn't stop at this moment either.

_Tap Tap Tap_

Shit there it goes again.

"Damn it." I finally opened up my eyes and Spencer was getting off of me putting her shirt on and I looked towards the drivers side and I see a cop right out side.

You have got to be kidding me.

Can't a woman get some anymore.

Ughh!! I was definitely frustrated because of that and there was a cop outside our door.

What the hell did he want?

Did Spencers dad already make the report?

I was starting to freak out that was for sure. I grabbed my shirt and put in on really quickly.

Spencer made sure I was good before she put the window down. Good thing for tinted windows.

"Yes officer." Spencer spoke out as she got the window down.

"Excuse me mame can I see your license and registration please." He shined the light in the car and noticed me in the passenger seat. He took a second looking at me and then in the car as if he was trying to see what we were doing in here.

What the hell was the cop doing on this road at night anyways?

"Thank you." He gave Spencers stuff back.

"Exactly why are you ladies out here in this road early this morning."

I looked at the car clock and it was 4:30.

Man right when I saw that my body got really tired and all I wanted to do at that moment was go to sleep.

"We are just making our way to Phoniex sir."

The cop took a little more time to look at us and I could feel myself wanting to flee right there because of the way he was looking at me. Gees what was this guys deal.

"Alright. You guys drive safe and if you can help it try not to pull over to the side on the highway ok. You don't know what's out here."

That's for sure.

"Thank you officer." The cop walked away and Spencers window went up.

Phew!

Talk about a close call there. I thought I was a goner. I thought I was going to be shipped to the big house. I thought I was going to be sleeping with the fishes.

Ok I killed it.

Sorry.

"I think we should find somewhere to sleep and then get back on the road to Phoneix."

"Are we really going to Phoneix?" Spencer asked me while I was checking the map to get to find our way there.

"Well that's the closes place that I know of a airport and you mentioned it so we are going to phoneix." Spencer looked at the road and I knew that she was still worried about heading over to Boston and to be honest so was I. All I know is that I have to do this and whether or not she want's to go is entirely up to her.

Without so much as another word about the subject Spencer drove. I told her the highway that she needed to get on so we could make our way to Phoneix.

xxxx

We got some sleep when we got into more into Arizona. I made Spencer stop at a hotel so we could get some sleep. She looked like she was dragging and I hated seeing her trying to stay awake. So we slept and did we sleep forever. It felt really good to because I had a awesome dream with Spencer and me. We were making out and one thing lead to another and right when I was about to come to my climax the damn alarm woke me up. Let's just say that I was PISSED off!

Needless to say that I took a long shower when I woke up.

xxxx

"You were making some interesting noises in your sleep this morning. I was going to wake you up but then your noises turned into moaning."

We were in the room getting dressed to leave and get to the airport. Which was only two hours away from where we were staying at. Don't ask me where because I was so dead tired when we pulled in that I didn't pay attention to any signs or anything. We paid for the room and made it to the bed long enough to give eachother a kiss and go straight to bed.

A blush came upon my cheeks and I looked away from her remembering the dream that I had with Spencer. Damn was that a great dream. If only we were really doing exactly what we did in the dream. That would of been wonderfu.

Ok calm down Ashley, before you need another shower.

"Umm yeah. It was an interesting dream."

"I bet." I looked over at Spencer and she had the biggest grin on her face and it just made my cheeks turn even more reddish then what they are.

"Let's just go before I show you exactly what my dream was about." I glanced at Spencer and her eyes got big. I smiled to myself and made our way out.

xxxx

Phoneix, Arizona.

Everything was so beautiful with the sun coming to a sunset. Gees this driving all night and sleeping in the day is not working for me anymore.

Spencer and I drove to the airport knowing that we would have to find a flight that was going to be leaving soon. So hopefully we would be able to get a flight. Sometimes the flights get booked and we'll end up waiting for the next flight out. Please don't let that happen.

Spencer parked the car and we walked our happy butts to Delta Airlines.

Everytime I wuld look over at Spencer she would have her head down or chewing on the side of her lip. Something was running through her head and I hated that she wasn't talking to me about it.

So when we walked in we had a huge line to wait in. This is perfect. Everybody and their mommas is flying somewhere. I turned to Spencer and she was standing there with a blank face. I ran my hands up and down her arms trying to get her to look at me.

"What's going on Spence? Are you a nervous flyer? Because you know I won't let anything happen to you." I smiled to her and had my arms around her now but I was still getting nothing from her.

"Spence. What's wrong?" I looked at her and she was stairing right back at me.

"I think you should go back home by yourself." My arms dropped from her and I didn't really know what to say to that.

"Why? What did I do?" I asked her trying to think of why she wanted to leave me at that moment.

"I just think that you need to go and deal with your past and I need to go home and deal with my parents."

This really hurt. I knew that she was right but I wanted her with me while I did all of this. I wanted her to hold my hand and tell me that everything was going to be alright. Instead I'm being pushed to the side and not feeling like she wanted to do anything with me.

I didn't say anything and apparently Spencer didn't expect me to. She grabbed her bags and looked directly at me.

"I still love you Ashley and nothings going to change that. I just think that you need to do this on your own and I need to figure out some things."

What the hell did that mean?

I still didn't say anything. I just looked at her with my sad eyes.

She leaned over and kissed me on the lips. I didn't know what it was but it almost felt like she was saying goodbye. She wouldn't do that to me.

Would she?

Spencer walked out of the airport and I stood there in line having about a hundred and one things racing through it.

I miss her already. I didn't want to do this on my own. Tears dropped and I felt my heart hurt just a little bit more.

I guess we will see what happens.

(A/N:Yeah I know that it has been forever since i last wrote and I want to tell you guys that this is the longest ive gone without writing a chpt and it was literally hard for me. The whole time I was saying that I felt bad that I couldn't write anything because I love to write but I was having the hardest time coming up with something for this story. I haven't thought of the ending yet but I would say that there is about 5 to 7 more chpts left so please bare with me and forgive me for making you wait.

Hope theres still love out there! LOL...Thx again everyone!)


	16. Chapter 16

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! You guys are awesome about reviewing...I totally loved hearing from you all...thanks so much for the love.

Ok so heres the next chpt and this time I didn't wait until a year later to post it hahaha! Anyways I hope u like it!

Enjoy.

**Moments Lost **

I sat there on the plane thinking of Spencer. She didn't want to be with me as I made this trip. She had to drive home by herself, and now she had to face her parents alone. I would of been there with her as she talked to them about everything but apparently she wanted to do that by herself.

I felt like I was trying all for nothing when we were together. This hurt a lot not having her here with me. I wanted so much to be holding her right now but instead I'm pressed up against the window looking down at the ground lost in my own little world.

xxxx

Once out of the plane I made my way to baggage and grabbed all of the bags. Well I was home and I knew that I was going to get a ear full out of my mother. This should be the highlight of my stay here because I know she is going to ship my ass back to California as soon as I get everything situated.

Shit knowing her she will probably want to ship me back as soon as I step foot in that front door.

In the cab I looked at everything remembering so much that has happened here. I quickly closed my eyes and laid my head back trying to get all of the negative things out of my head because I knew that I could easily slip back to the way that I was.

No more then 30 minutes later I was standing in front of my house thinking of maybe turning back because I swear this woman is going to eat me alive. I caused trouble back in LA and now here I am back trying to say my goodbyes.

xxxx

"Mom." I yelled as I walked through the front door setting all of my bags down at the front door.

No more then 10 seconds later she came right around that corner with the meanest look she has ever given me.

"What have you done Ashley?! I send you away to get you back to the world of living and here you are causing more trouble for yourself. I don't understand what is wrong with you. Where is the girl? We need to get her back home. NOW!" I stood there not saying a word because I knew that she would shut me up and keep on yelling at me so I just waited until she was done.

"Spencer went back home. She didn't fly with me over here." I looked down and I grabbed my bags to head up to my room. I don't know what it was but after I told her that Spencer didn't come with me and apparently she saw my face expressing. Trust me if you saw my face expression right now you would think that someone just killed my puppy.

I made my way upstairs to my room and as soon as I jumped on that bed I was out. No need of letting a great bed go to waste while you are in the room.

xxxx

I literally slept all the way until the following morning. It was like almost 12 hours that I was out and it felt so good.

I laid there in my bed looking up at my ceiling. That was one crazy dream.

_"Ashley where are you going?" Spencer and I were walking along the beach holding hands and I could hear yelling coming from behind me. _

_I turned around to see Dani right on my heels and looking like she was going to kill me. _

_"What are you doing with her? What happened between us Ashley? I thought you said that you would always love me and never leave me." _

_Hearing these words from her had made me quiet as I felt Spencers thumb caress the top of my hand as we continued to hold hands. _

_"I still love you Dani. I always will you know that. I just don't know if I can deal with this anymore." _

_"What the hell does that mean Ashley? You said Always and Forever. Don't those words mean anything to you?" They meant the world to me. _

_"They do but when you were alive." As soon as I said those words she wasn't in front of me anymore. She was standing in front of me telling me that I was everything to her and now I was leaving her in the dust. Dani was finally gone from my dreams. I was in love with Spencer and no one else. _

Yep that was one crazy dream.

I grabbed a hold of my cell next to me on the pillow and I turned it on. It hasn't been on since we left barstow. So its been a good few days with it not on. I wonder how many wonderful phone calls I have resevied?

_12 Missed Calls _

Wow.

So I went one by one listening to all the peaceful messages that I was getting from Dr Carlin, Paula, and Kyla. At least hers were ok. Then we had my mom yelling at me for not calling her back or not getting my ass back home so all of this could be figured out.

_Last Missed Call_

_"Hi Ash." _

It was Spencer.

_"I'm sorry that I left you at the airport. It really hurt to leave you there but I knew that you had to do this on your own. I love you and I want you to face your fears head on. Even though I know that I'm not next to you holding your hand doesn't mean that I'm not there with you in your heart. I hope you don't hate me because I don't know if can handle you not speaking to me. Please give me a call when you get this or when you want to talk to me because I want to hear your voice. I love you Ash. Bye." _

It was really good to hear her voice.

I looked at my clock on the nightstand.

8:37 A.M.

Usually I'm not up this morning but with the almost 12 hours of sleep I needed to get up. No matter what people say you can not sleep forever. It is not possible even if you are tired as hell.

I grabbed a towel from the closet and I went to go and take a shower.

The water felt really good running down my body and it wasn't for my mom banging on the door I think I would of stayed in for quite some time.

"What?!" I yelled as I turned off the water.

"You have a phone call."

Ughh.

Who could this be?

I was almost afraid to find out who it was.

I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my body while making my way out of the room to grab the phone.

"Who is it?" I asked her at a whisper so the person wouldn't hear me.

"She said her name is Spencer."

She was calling me at my house. Where did she get the number from?

Her parents? Kyla?

"Hey."

"Hi Ash." Hearing her say my name sent a shiver down my back and it wasn't even cold here.

"Hi." Don't ask me why but I was still feeling like I was abandoned at the airport and it still hurt like hell.

"Are you still mad at me?" I closed my eyes trying to forget it all but it was easier said than done.

"I don't know Spence. I don't really know what to think about you leaving me there. Then you having to drive home by yourself. I wasn't happy about that either."

I heard her giggle on the other line.

"Spencer this isn't funny."

"Yes it is. Your so cute. This whole time you were worried about me driving by myself. Don't you find that funny?" When I thought about it I guess yeah it was kind of funny but I can't help it. I worry about her and her driving home alone. I guess I'm weird like that. I can't help it. I've had one to many accidents that led me to believe that driving isn't everything that it's cracked up to be.

I just sat there on the phone not really knowing what to say to her even though I wanted so much to know what happened with her parents when she got home.

"Are we just going to sit on the phone and not say anything?" I was kind of thinking that.

"Ashley talk to me."

I sat down on my bed with the towel snug to me.

"What do you want me to say Spence? Because right now I'm really not in the mood to chat."

"That's fine. I'll just let you go but just know that I love you." I closed my eyes and I was on the verge of crying. I didn't want to cry anymore. I was getting tired of it.

I let out a deep breathe, trying to control my breathing because I felt like crap at that moment.

"Bye." I hung up the phone before she could say anything to me and I went to go and get ready. She said she had to take care of things and I needed too as well.

xxxx

I sat in my moms car not wanting to budge from my sitting area because my heart was pounding to loud in my chest. Everything hit me when the driver hit that corner and why he took this street was beyond me. I sat there looking at the light pole that I hit. I remember seeing the pictures in the newspapers talking about the accident as if I tried to kill her. As if I wanted to lose the love of my life. That was far from the truth.

I slowly got out of the car and I made my way across the street thinking of the night so clearly.

_"ASHLEY!" Dani screamed at me and my head darted back to the road and right in front of me was a man in the middle of the street. I swirved off the road and that's when I rammed into a pole. A electric pole that didn't even budge but it sure sent Dani flying through the windshield. Well that's what everyone tells me that happened. _

_I was unconcious for two days from slamming my head against my steering wheel. I didn't know anything that had happened to Dani. I didn't know that the accident had caused so much trauma to her head that she died that next morning in the hospital while I was laying in a bed with nothing really wrong with me but bruises and a gash to the forehead. _

Man talk about going through memory lane here. There was still dead flowers here with a cross with Danis name on it. Her parents must of left this here before they came over to California.

I didn't stay there long because there was still some place that I had to go to.

xxxx

I had a dozen yellow roses in my hand as I made my way over to Danis grave stone. I almost didn't think that I was going to be able to make it over here but I knew that I had to come. This was my therapy to come and visit Dani. To talk to her and get everything that was on my chest.

I stood in front of her headstone and sat down in front of it. I looked at her picture that they had on there and I remembered when she had went to go take those pictures for her mom. She didn't really want to go but her mom wanted her to take them for our senior year. Which of course she didn't get to experience.

Ok stop this Ashley. You know you didn't come here to bring yourself down about what happened.

"Hey Dani." A lump was caught in my throat and I was about to cry. I stopped myself and I took a deep breathe.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get out here but I kind of moved to California to live with my dad. Actually I feel like I live with my sister instead because you know how dad was never around and he still isn't." I laughed out loud thinking of how we would make fun of my dad and how he was never around for me growing up. Him and his stupid job.

Then I got quiet.

A single tear fell from my face and I looked up at her picture.

"I miss you so much Dani. I think of you every day that I am out there. There's not a day that goes by that you aren't in my mind or my heart but there's something that I have to tell you. I met someone. Someone who loves me for me Dani. You would so love her too. Her names Spencer and she's so amazing. She makes me laugh and she takes care of me." I got silent for a second thinking of everything.

"When I lost you I thought that I was going to end my life because I didn't want to live without you. Spencer helped me in so many ways that I owe her so much. I love her Dani. I'm so in love with her that it scares me at times. I know that I told you that you were the only one that I would love but I can't help how I feel. I can't be alone anymore because it hurts me to much to think about the past. You will always have a piece of my heart but now Spencer has the other part of my heart. There will be no one like you and I'm fine with that. Just remember that I will always love you." I kissed my finger and I placed it against her picture and stood to my feet.

With every step that I took to walk away from that grave sight I knew that I was feeling ok with everything that I was doing. I said my goodbyes to Dani and I was finally moving on with my life. I was finally letting go of the guilt that overwhelmed my life when I lost Dani. Now I was able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling ashamed.

I turned back around one last time before I got into the car.

"Bye."

(A/N: Hey you guys...so what did you think of the chpt?? This one actually was easier to write after having that hard time of writing last time but yeah i hope you guys liked...and if not then feel free to tell me!! SO like before please leave the love or hate either one you prefer!! Hahaha)


	17. Chapter 17

Hey you guys thx for reviewing...good to hear from you all!! Heres the next chpt.

Enjoy!

**Moments Lost **

I'm suppose to fly back to LA tomorrow. I haven't talked with Spencer since our last conversation. Which wasn't the greatest conversation we have had. She told me to call her when I was ready to talk and I knew that I wanted to talk to her but I was just being stubborn like always.

Kyla told me that she would pick me up at the airport when I got into town so I was happy about that. I really missed her and I told her that we would have to hang out when I got back into town. She of course told me that she was looking forward to it.

xxxx

I was sitting in the living room watching TV when my mom comes walking in.

Hmm I wonder what she wants.

"Ashley can we talk for a second?" This should be interesting.

"Yeah. What's up?" I sat with my legs crossed and I leaned up against the couch as she sat down on the otherside of the couch.

"I know that I haven't really been around to talk to about everything."

Everything being Dani I'm sure.

"But I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything as well. I know that sending you away to your fathers had not been the right move but it had to be done. You were in such a bad state being here after Danis death that I couldn't let you keep on going down that path. Dani loved you Ashley and she wanted nothing but the best for you and if sending you to your fathers was that then I would have done is again if I had the choice."

I knew what she was talking about and sending me to California was the best thing for me. If I would of stayed here I would of done something worse to myself in some way. At least when I got to LA I had Kyla and with her came Spencer. The one who brought me back to life and didn't let me fall even though that was all I wanted to do.

"I know that I was a handful after everything happened but I didn't know how to deal with everything. It literally destroyed me when I lost her and to top it off I was the one who ended her life."

"Honey don't."

"No mom it's true. I killed Dani and there's not a day that goes by that I don't regret the decision that I made to drive us to that party. We should of just stayed put but we didn't. It was my choice and my fault. There's no one to blame but myself and I'm finally ok with that. Dani loved me and she knew that I would of never hurt her if I could help it. We just made a mistake to get into the vehicle drunk."

"So tell me about Spencer."

That came out of nowhere. Mom sat there looking at me with a smile and with just the mention of her name made me smile in return.

"What do you want to know about her?"

"I want to know about the person who has my daughter in smiles. I can see it in your face that you really like this girl."

She was right. I was indeed in love with Spencer Carlin and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I grabbed my cell phone from my pocket and showed her the picture that we took back at my house.

"She's really beautiful." I smiled at my moms comment and I knew that she meant it too.

"Yeah she is. She makes me laugh all the time. I seriously don't know what I would do without her."

"Hold on to her Ashley because she sounds like she's a keeper. I know Dani would approve of someone like her."

"Yeah she would."

Mom got off the couch and came over to me and kissed me on my forehead. Man what's gotten into her. She hasn't treated me this good since I was little and even then it was a challenge for her. Whatever it is I was glad that I had her to talk to if and when I needed her to talk to.

xxxx

That following morning mom took me to the airport and I was almost sad to be leaving because I was going to miss being in Boston. It felt really good to be by Dani and get so much off my chest. Being around my mom during this time over here had got me closer with her as well. I never thought I would be saying that.

"So did you grab everything from the house?" We were standing at the terminal waiting for my flight.

"Yeah I grabbed everything." I stood there looking at the ground and mom was silent as well.

"Thanks for everything mom. I'm really glad that I made it back here to get things situated."

"I'm just glad that you are doing much better. Don't forget to call your mom now and then ok. I would still love to hear from you ok."

I smiled at her and I shook my head.

"I will."

"I love you." Mom wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her tight missing this very moment that we had when I was little.

"I love you too mom."

With that I picked up my bags and I made my way down the terminal. I waved back at her and then within a second I couldn't see her anymore.

xxxx

Sunny. Sunny. Sunny.

Yep. I'm back in California.

Which I'm kind of glad. I'm sure that I was going to be way behind in school and I missed Spencer so much. Three days without that woman felt like a lifetime.

I made my way out of the terminal and Kyla was standing there with a huge smile on her face. I looked around to see if Spencer had came with her but she wasn't anywhere in sight. I was hoping to see her here but I guess that's what I get for acting the way that I did on the phone with her.

"Hey Ky." I said to her with a huge smile on my face. Man I missed her. I put my bags down and I hugged her so tight.

"I missed you." Kyla told me when she let go of me.

"Yeah me too." It went silent for the both of us and she helped me with my luggage.

As we were walking to the car she finally came out and said something.

"She really wanted to be here today."

I knew exactly who she was talking about.

"So why didn't she?"

"She thought that you didn't want her here when you got back so she decided to stay home instead. When was the last time you talked to her?"

"It's been two days since we've talked."

I wasn't proud of the way I acted on the phone but I was still angry with everything that when I get like that I tend to stay like that until I'm ok with everything.

"What did her parent's say when she got home?" I knew Ky would know everything that happened over there.

"First they hugged her like she was kidnapped and then after they knew she was ok they went off on her about leaving like that. At first they told her that she couldn't see you at all but Spencer said if they kept her away from you that she would only run away again. So after many hours of yelling at eachother they accepted you as her girlfriend."

I smiled at that knowing that she would run too. Wow they accepted me. That was a big shocker to hear.

"She loves you. Nothings changed Ashley."

"I know Ky."

We made our way back home and it felt really good to be back. Even though I was probably gone for a week tops it felt like forever to me.

When I walked through the door dad was standing right there. A smile spread across my face because I did miss him.

I dropped my bags and I went right into his arms and cried. I don't know why I cried but I did. It was almost like I was holding it in for so long that when I got that opportunity I just let it all out. He rubbed my back trying to calm me down and I felt so much better after I let it all out.

"I'm really glad to have you back Ashley." The Carlins must of got a hold of dad after we left and he came back home. Man talk about a family affair.

"I'm really glad to be back too dad." I whipped my eyes and started to head up to my room.

"We're all going out to dinner tonight Ashley. As a family and if there is someone that you want to invite then you can do so." I smiled and then I told dad ok.

When I got to my room I was hit with alot of reminders of Dani. was going to take down all of my pictures of Dani and I before we went on our roadtrip but I never got around to it. I guess now was as good as time as any.

I put all of my stuff away and then grabbed a box from the closet. I started with the pictures I had on my closet. Everyone of them made me laugh because we had so much fun taking them during the summer together. After the pictures I grabbed the stuffed animals that I had gotten from her and I put it in my box.

I was so caught up in taking everything down that I didn't notice someone walk into my room. I turned around when I heard the door shut and I was stairing right at her blue eyes. My breathe was taken away and I standing there looking like a deer caught in headlights. Well actually that's what I think I looked like.

"Hey." She finally broke the awkwardness.

"Hi." I went back to getting everything into the box and she walked over to me as I could feel her coming closer to me. She does some serious things to me.

"I'm sorry that I didn't come and pick you up today." I shook my head still looking at what I was doing instead of looking at her.

"That's fine. Kyla was there at least." I looked away from Spencer and I wanted to get this all done.

"Are you just going to ignore me?"

"No Spencer I'm just busy that's all." Spencer turned away from me and started walking towards the door but I stopped her. I couldn't let her leave like that.

"Spencer don't go." I grabbed a hold of her hand and she stopped and slowly turned around to me. I stood there linking our fingers together and loving the touch from her.

"I'm sorry for everything lately. I know you were right to let me go home by myself I just kind of wanted you there with me when I went through this. I didn't mean to treat you bad in any way. You know I love you." I got closer to her taking her face into my hands as she closed her eyes.

"I didn't want to leave you but I knew that I had to. I'm just glad that you came back to me Ashley. I would of felt alone if you didn't come back to me."

I smiled at her and kissed her lips.

"I would never want to make you feel alone Spencer. You mean to much to me. Come here." She came over to me and saw what I was doing.

"Is this all of Danis stuff?" I shook my head yes and finished up with the ring she gave me.

"Are you sure you want to get rid of all that Ash? Because you don't have to."

"No I have to Spencer. Trust me I have to. For me, for Dani and for you." I placed both of the rings in the box and Spencer came up to me and wrapped her arms around me holding me tight.

"You make me happy Ash."

"I'm glad because I wouldn't want it any other way." I kissed her forehead and hugged her tight.

I love her.

(A/N: Ok so theres the chpt...hopefully you liked it...tell me what you thought...thx!!)


	18. Chapter 18

Hey you guys...sorry for the wait but this will be the last chpt!! I know I said that it would probably b in like five more chpts but its pretty much to the end here soooo...I'm thinking of what to write next...hopefully you guys will read my next story...well if I write one that is...its still in thought!!

But anyways...thank you all for staying by me and reading my stories...you guys are awesome!!

Heres the last chpt!!

Enjoy!

**Moments Lost **

Spencer stayed the evening while we had dinner and I don't think that I can be anymore happier then what I am. I'm sitting here at the table looking at my family talking with Spencer. My father is talking to her as if he has known her all hs life and it makes me so happy to see that.

Kyla and Aiden are making lovey dovey faces at eachother and I don't mind one bit. I see that they love eachother very much and it's good to see my sister happy with her boyfriend. Whatever makes her happy makes me happy.

I looked down at my plate and then I feel her. I feel her warm hand underneathe the table linking her fingers with mine and I love it. I glance her way taking in all of her beauty in front of me and I'm lost. She tilts her head and looks up at me as if she wants to remember me just like this and it makes me smile so wide. I don't think she could make me anymore happy then what I am right now. Correction...there is another way she could make me happy. I'm just waiting for that moment. I'm sure it will be beautiful in so many ways.

Spencer leans over towards me and then whispers something in my ear.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks me.

"You. My bed." Spencer giggles in my ear and it makes me want her so bad.

"Of course you would be thinking about that." I smiled and so did she.

"Hey after dinner I want to take you somewhere special to me."

I shook my head ok and then finished up my food. I wanted to know where she was going to take me.

xxxx

No longer then 10 minutes later we were on the road heading somewhere.

"So where are you taking me?" I asked her as I placed my hand on her thigh as she drove us.

"You'll see." She gave me her award winning smile as I sat back and enjoyed the view around me.

The ride wasn't long but when we pulled up to her house every nice thought in my head quickly vanished.

"Spencer what are we doing here?" I asked her wanting to know.

"You mean alot to me Ashley and so do my parents. I want you guys to get to know eachother."

"Your father already knows me." I told her as I felt out of place now.

"He doesn't know the Ashley that I love. He doesn't know the person that I want to spend my life with." My eyes averted up towards hers and I was shocked at what she just said to me.

She actually wanted to spend her life with me. I was shocked but excited as well.

"So will you please make an effort in meeting them?" She asked me and I knew that I would do anything for her.

"Of course I will." She squeezed my hand and then she made her way out of the car with me following right behind her.

This wasn't scary at all.

"Mom. Dad. We're here." We walked through the house and it was a pretty cute house. Nice and comfortable. My house just felt like another house where Kyla and I tried to make it feel comfortable. Oh well I love it there so I'm happy with it.

Spencer and I went into the living room and there her parents were. Talk about wanting to turn right back around and leaving the place as fast as I could. I knew Spencer wouldn't want that though. She wants to me to get to know her parents even though I get this really awful feeling in my stomach.

"Mom. Dad. This is Ashley Marie Davies. My girlfriend." I looked at the both of them and I shook each of their hands. I had to be respectful right.

"It's really nice to meet the both of you." I put on a smile while Spencer and I sat down on the couch across from the both of them.

xxxx

We talked for about a hour about almost everything in my life and I even apologized for making them worry about Spencer when we went on our roadtrip.

They knew that I wasn't the only behind it so they couldn't blame all of it on me. Apparently Spencer does what Spencer wants to do. Hmm I guess I must of missed that part of Spencer 101.

That's right I was to busy stairing at her to even pay attention to anything else.

Ha ha ha.

Later on that night we laid on the grass in her backyard looking up at the sky. I was shocked to actually see stars but they were there. I loved laying here holding her close to me enjoying every minute of this.

"What do you see in your future?" Spencer asked me and I looked down at her and she raised her head off of my stomach to look at me.

"I don't know. I use to have all these plans for my life but then I found out that we aren't promised a future because we don't know when we will go."

"I guess your right but it doesn't hurt to have plans. It doesn't hurt to want to have a future." I think I made her think that I didn't wan to have a future with her. I rolled over on her and I looked right into her eyes.

"When I think about the future I see you." Spencer smiled at me. I leaned down adn kissed her lips.

"You're all I think about Spence. When I wake up or when I go to sleep. I'm even more happy when I dream about you." I started laughing and so did she.

"I love you." She told me and she placed her hands on my cheeks bringing me down to her level.

"I love you too." I whispered just before I kissed her lips.

xxxx

Spencer never gave up on me. I would push her way but she would never give up. She means the world to me and I'm really lucky to have her in my life. She makes me smile in so many ways that I sometimes scares me but I know that it's a good thing.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Dani was my first love and I will always have her in my heart but now my heart belongs to someone else. Someone who showed me that you can get through anything and move on with your life. Someone who loved me through everything that I went through.

Spencer saved me in so many ways.

I have moments that were memoriable and then there are moments that will be lost.

Either way I got through it all and I have my beautiful girlfriend to thank for it.

(A/N: Sooo what did you think? Kind of short I'm sorry but there wasn't really much to put in this one...soo please leave the love for the last time and tell me what you thought about the whole story!! Thx again for reading!!

Much love!!)


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